Mimi

All that is
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2017-01-23 23:40:42 (UTC)

I fucking hate him. right now, the way i ..

I fucking hate him. right now, the way i feel. That feeling of coldness at the tips of my toes, and the folding in and out of my stomach...my heart palpitating a little. All the while, i'm embroiled in the middle of an essay which I should have handed in 7 days ago. I should be trying to finish it but instead i'm here writing this. I hate him, and all that his surprise visit has brought. i'm forever in this limbo of being 'goody goody' trying to walk this line where I spend just enough time with him for him to not take notice, while also trying to avoid him. So far i've done so successfully by staying at the library. It's not like i've had a choice though - i can't work at home. I need to be at the library to actually work, get into a mental state. but also, because at home i can hear them all hollering, ill get a knock on my door etc. it's such an uncomfortable situation to live in. then there's the power aspect - the fact that he has this looming over me - taht i'm living in his space. so it makes me so fucking anxious. i need to watch what i do and what i say. the other day we had a mini debate/that borderlined into an arguemnt. i was so mad after that, i literally hated his cooning ass. i've never met a black guy before who chatted so much rubbish. so much ignorance and so much arrogance. hes so fucking insecure about his intellect - you could tell. the way he wasn't bothered about thinking of anything i was saying. speaking in terms of 'admit this and admit that' those are the worst people. the ones who are stubbourn and stupid. cos it just means that they're hopeless. he's had an expensive education and this is what he has to show for it??? wtf? ACTUAL FUCKING GORILLA. APE. and to think he was making a play for me....grosssss
he's incredibly ugly too. his skin ridden with marks probably from how unhygienic he is and how many cig he smokes. his teeth have a yellow tinge to them. his lips look pursed, and his eyes are these slits. he's fucking hideous. i know i'm awful for saying this. but this is how i feel right now. i hate feeling emotionally manipulated, which is exactl what is going on right now. i texted him earlier, a nice little note, saying that I had ordered a cleaner and that i was handing in my final work this week so i was gonna be free etc. the i said 'how are u?' and he didn't answer. he saw it but no asnwer. he's on one of his moods, and I'm pretty sure he;s taking it out on me for not returning is unwanted advances. DISGUSTING, RAPEY, MONKEY-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER.


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