✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
Out Of Our Control - Day 15
Dear Reader,
Today was the second time in my life I had to call 911.
My grandfather woke me up really early, and told me to come into the living room.
Grandma was in bad shape. She was heaving, and shaking, and could barely speak. It honestly was super scary.
I handed her things she needed, and I called Rhonda, and grandma told me to call 911.
So, I did.
I told the dispatcher the address, told her my grandma needs to go to the hospital, and I gave her the phone so she could explain what was wrong.
The ambulance came by, and three men came into the house, and they checked her pulse and talked to her..
And one of them really irritated me. He told her that all he could see was wrong with her was that she was all riled up, and anxious, and he patted her on the arm as he told her this... and she gave him a look, but I guess was convinced, because she was even starting to think against going to the hospital because of that.
Rhonda came up here to the house, and grandma decided not to ride in the ambulance, but to ride with Rhonda.
They left.
I took the dogs out, and went to the bathroom, and then I went back to bed, but I didn't sleep. I just watched youtube for awhile.. because when I'm woke up early in the morning, it's really hard for me to fall back asleep...
Then, grandpa called me and told me that Rhonda needed me to walk to her house to take her dogs outside, which I did... I came back, and went to bed, and slept.
I knew that if I fell asleep, I'd wake up feeling like shit. I knew I'd have a headache, and I'd feel nauseous. But, I also knew that if I stayed awake, I would crash later on today.. which I didn't want to do either.
I was woke up three or four more times by the dogs, and by my brother.. and then my grandpa telling me to get up.
I didn't immediately have a headache, but I remember laying on my back for just a second, and it hit me hard.
I got up.. I was right about feeling like shit.
Grandma was actually home at that point. It turns out, she has an ear infection and something else, which was causing her symptoms.
I ate two bowls of cereal.. I felt feverish in the face.
My younger brother asked me to help make a brochure project for school, so I said yes.
He, and Rhonda went and got McDonalds.
I sat, getting nothing done for the project.. flashback to high school all over again.
It made me wonder.. if I can't bring myself to do this shit, what would it be like if I ever decide to enroll into college...
I had planned for Fall this year... but honestly, I have no idea.
God...
And writing that last sentence.. just made me fucking start crying..
I've dug myself into a fucking hole... my grandparents could be gone any day now.. and I'm sitting here wasting my fucking time away.. but I just don't have any idea what I want to do...
I talked to Josh today.. and he wasn't doing good. He was pretty low.. having trouble at home..
It's hard because I want to be there for him, and help him through it all.. but I just don't know how.. I try to comfort him the only ways I know how too.. and sometimes I feel like that just annoys him.
I don't want him to stop coming to me, and venting to me, because of it either...
And, I hate feeling like it's selfish to be upset because I feel helpless comforting my boyfriend...
I feel like I'm just a shit girlfriend..
I'm sitting here... nothing really done for my brother's project. He came home, and I guess isn't even going to work on it until tomorrow.
Yesterday, Rhonda's water heater tore up.. she was so upset about it too.
It took all day to fix.. and her washing machine isn't working.
My cousin, and her husband are going to have me come over and clean the interior of both their cars, and give their dog a bath, and pay me... and I'll use that money to buy the black converse with.
This isn't how I was expecting this weekend to go at all...
Friday night, i was putting together outfits, and I put one together... and I was so excited.. And I remember thinking over and over that the next day surely Rhonda and I would go to town, because we always go to town on the weekends, and that's what I'd wear.
I wanted to go to walmart and buy sweatpants...
And after yesterday, I was thinking maybe we could do it today.. but then this morning happened..
Of course it's just stuff like this that's completely out of our control. It's just life I guess...
I haven't had enough sleep for for days...
I just hope I'll have enough energy to do the work for my cousin.
Sincerely,
ItHappens
Ad: