šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2017-01-14 23:36:00 (UTC)

Late Saturday Night.

I've been on site here earlier this evening and also at my-journal.com catching up on reading some diaries. I didn't feel like writing anything earlier, because my head wasn't up to it. Reading diaries helps me a lot at times like these and some diaries I have been reading for approximately two years since I first signed up at both online sites.
I feel better after saying my prayers and doing a little mindfulness work. Russ Harris (psychologist/author) : "The Happiness Trap.", wrote originally about mindfulness work and has been to NZL to facilitate seminars around mindfulness. Occupational therapy (mental health), is a fast-growing employer of mindfulness exercises. Marilyn B. gave me Russ Harris's book to read and I absolutely love it. Mindfulness has its origins in Eastern religion - Tai Chi, Sufism and Reiki. Harris unfolds the conceptual side of mindfulness sans the religious attachments because those aspects take years to learn. It's among the most effective and helpful therapy that I have had in years. It works.
Today I have slept and rested...and thought long and constantly and seriously throughout the day about my drinking, w/out the compulsive need to berate myself. We all know where self-berration gets us : NOWHERE FAST, and it all leads downhill and sometimes dramatically so.
A quote quoted by a fellow diarist from another website that I came across earlier this evening ~
"Alcohol gave me wings to fly then took away the sky." (I was meant to see this.) Wine has clipped my wings shorter and shorter, time and time again...
a gentler path of recovery is needed AND I am now ready for it. CADS have provided a great counseller here in rural country ; a first in absolute years. Believe me I've had them all. (Get me a bucket!) Good therapy is damn hard to come by in the public sector. One needs health insurance to get quality service and it's something I don't have.
The public health sector do provide a very narrow margin of expensive healthcare, however, they make it difficult to access it. Believe me, even in my more broken state, I have tried to gain access and been denied it. Money talks these days more stronger than ever.
I've eaten healthy and well today as well as occupied the "empty life feeling hours" - post-drinking with enjoyable activities ~ bit of reading, sitting outside on the deck under the grapevine, playing my two favourite app games for an hour-&-a-1/2, enjoying preparing then eating my food. It's now Sunday morning. Have set my alarm for 07:00am in order to see if I can push myself gently into getting up and making it to church at ten aye em.
After that, I have work...
Back tomorrow to write my blog slog about the work quote.
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were junkfood eating days, that totalled $25.00! Not very happy about this...
not going to further beat myself up over it. Nor the wine either.
So it's goodnight from me.
Gnite ~ Po mari e. Buona notte.




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