✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2017-01-13 00:58:53 (UTC)

Who Let The Dog Out? ME. - Day 12


Dear Reader,


Our Yorkie, Ruger, sleeps in my room.

Every morning around 5am-6am when he hears grandma get up, he starts crying and whining and wakes me up to be let out, and this dog is a relentless crier.
So, I stumble out of bed, let him out, and then go back to bed.

He used to sleep with her every night. He used to get up with her and our other Chihuahua, Rosey, every morning.
He has got up early every morning since before he started sleeping in my room.

Of course this morning, the same thing happened, so I let him out, and climb back into bed.

This gets on her nerves, because she doesn't want to take him outside? She doesn't want to deal with him? I don't know.

I can't help it. He wants out, because that's when he's used to getting up, and he won't shut the fuck up if I don't let him out. I have told her this before.

Well, after I climb back into bed this morning, I heard her grumbling to herself as Ruger walks into the living room.
I heard her say.. "Everyone thinks I'm just a slave around here."

That pissed me off so fucking much. Um, no. Apparently if I don't do every single thing, she's a slave.

And no, I DON'T do everything, because she's right, it isn't fair for one person to have to do all of the housework. But it's her own fucking fault for only making ME learn to do it as a child, and never making my brothers or grandfather help.

I was going to get up and help get my brother ready for school in the morning after she got home from the hospital the last time, but she still got up on the same day I told her not too, and I realized that she won't stop getting up. She'll continue to do it. Know why? To complain about how she HAS to do it. So, I stopped.

I have to put the damn dog out of my room in the morning. If she doesn't want to have to take out the dogs separately (Even though she says that's soooo much easier to do) because it's bad timing when I let Ruger out.. WHY DOESN'T SHE JUST OPEN MY DOOR WHEN SHE GETS UP, AND LET HIM OUT HERSELF SO SHE CAN TAKE THEM BOTH OUT AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME LIKE SHE USED TO DO.

A few hours later, for some ungodly reason, she puts him back into my room. And then? He starts crying and wakes me up again, and he won't fucking stop crying and scratching at the door. So, angrily, I get up, and open the door for him.

Then I hear her in the living room exclaim: "There she is letting that dog out again! I don't know why she does that!" (yes she fucking does, I have TOLD her.) She says this in an angry, degrading way. So, I spin on my heels, open the door and spit:
"Because he cries and scratches at the door, and won't stop." And, proceed to shut my door firmly.

And after that I hear her in the living room ranting. "I didn't hear him crying at no door! He wasn't crying! Get up! Get out of bed! Time for you to get up!" (She wanted me to get up as 'punishment'.) But, I didn't. I just got back into bed, and went back to sleep.

Look, I KNOW this is stupid. I KNOW this is a ridiculous rant... I'm just so sick and tired of everything I do being a fucking personal attack to her... everything I do is wrong, nothing I do is enough.... And all I ever do is be nice to her. I do everything she asks me to do.

She cooks breakfast for my brother and grandpa. She feeds the dogs. She really doesn't even wake my brother up, because he does that. She takes them outside. She feeds them. She takes a shower.

After I get up, I take a shower. I take them outside. I make myself breakfast. I feed them.

Then, sometimes I do dishes and make tea then, sometimes I wait until the evening.

I take the dogs out, and fetch things,fix my grandfather's drinks, and do a random/odd things they ask throughout the day.

She cooks dinner.

We eat.

I put all the food into smaller containers, and put them away. I feed the dogs. I wash the dishes. I take the dogs outside. I fill my grandfather's sleep thingy with water, and take put it into his machine. I take the dogs out a second time, and then... before I go to bed I usually fix more drinks for my grandfather, and other random things when he asks.

Sometimes she helps in the evening, like she'll wash pots and pans, or feed the dogs sometimes, but usually I do all of it.

It's not even a competition who does what more... At least I actually DO something... unlike both of my brothers.

What bothered me the most about it all was just the way she treated me about it.

I woke up exhausted. I didn't get enough sleep the night before last, and I didn't last night either.

I felt really low, and depressed today...
After I did my morning routine, I just came back to my room and laid down, and messed around on my ipod..
Actually cried a little because of how shitty and low I felt.

Laying down always makes me look as though I have been asleep.. like it makes my face puffy, messes up my hair, and I walk all stumbly like someone does after they wake up.

I had to go and tell them something, and when I walked into the living room, I knew they'd accuse me of being asleep, which they did. And it pissed me off.


And, a few minutes ago, I just went in there and told her to just open the door and let him out of my room so she isn't in the middle of something when I let him out, and she said No, because she didn't want to have to take him outside.

Even though he'll wake up every fucking morning, and if he can't get out, he'll just piss and shit in my floor, and cry and whine nonstop keeping me awake, but that's fucking fine, because as long as it doesn't bother her right?


Now, I'm super fucking pissed off, and I'm fucking on the verge of tears from frustration.


Maybe I should just leave him in the living room to sleep then.

So now, if I let him out in the morning, she'll probably flip out on me.

So when he wakes up and starts crying, I'll either have to get out of bed, and take his little ass outside myself, come back in, get yelled at for wanting to go back to bed.. she might not even let me go back to bed... or lay here and listen to him cry and scratch for hours...
Because SHE doesn't want to have to bother with him. Keep in mind, she has bitched at me countless times about how "cruel it is to make the dogs wait so long to go outside to use the bathroom" back before we had somewhat of a schedule.

So she's basically saying she doesn't give a damn about how uncomfortable Ruger will have to be for the next few hours holding his fucking bladder, doesn't give a damn how he'll probably piss and shit in my floor which I'll have to clean, and she also doesn't give a shit that he'll cry relentlessly, keeping me awake when I'm trying to sleep.

All the while she is AWAKE, drinking coffee, and watching T.V. in the living room perfectly capable, but doesn't want to because she'll be a little inconvenienced.

And from now until I fall asleep tonight, I'm going to be pissed, and anxiety over what the fuck I'm going to do in the morning...

I don't even want him to fucking sleep in here anymore.

I just can't believe how selfish she's being.

Sincerely,
NotGoodEnough




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