✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2017-01-12 01:11:59 (UTC)

Stay With Me - Part 8 - Day 11

Dear Reader,

Bittersweet - Part 8

The rest of the summer passed, and all I could think of was Alex.
I thought that once school started again,
He’d change his mind, and want me back.

I spent a long time trying to figure out the outfit for the first day.
I chose a black plaid button up, khaki pants, a black denim hooded vest, khaki pants, black converse, and a white necktie.

I remember it, because that was one of my favorite outfits.

I wanted to look so fucking good, and irresistible.

The first day back to school was a Friday.

All I could think of that morning was seeing him again. I wanted too, but I dreaded it at the same time. I tucked his necklace and bracelet in the elastic pocket on the side of my bookbag.
I wanted to give them to him regardless.

I remember walking up the stairs, and straight to the center of the lobby outside the lunchroom and library like the year before.
He was there, and I did not dare look him in the face.
It felt so unreal.

Finally, I made eye contact,
And gave a little smile/wave.
Pretended as if he hadn’t ripped my heart out and stomped on it.

After awhile, he announced that he was going to get his parking permit,
And I thought that I might not see him again until the next day because it may take awhile.
And as he passed me, I called his name a little too desperately.
He stopped and I pulled out the gifts and gave it to him.

He pulled me into an embrace.

The first time I had a hug from him in so long.

The entire time that we were together, I hadn’t got to hold him a single time.

And finally I got to when he was no longer mine.

It was bittersweet.

I stood in the library with my friends, and to my surprise,
He made it back up in time.
We all laughed, and talked like old times.
And I loved it.
It was everything that I needed that morning.

And there was a moment where he was standing beside me,
And, he said something in a lowered voice, giving me a strange look.

And I didn’t hear what he said.
He was interrupted.

And I’ll never know what it was he tried to tell me.

That first day back at school, was a mixture of different things.

It was the last first day of highschool.

Words can’t capture the feeling that I had that day.

On the bus ride home,
Stay with me by Sam Smith played on the radio.

Tez and I were talking, and for some reason,
I just had the best, most painful, and hopeful feeling for the future.

The song’s lyrics described the situation with Alex eerily,
But the melody.. The sound.. All of it just captured the feeling that I had and I honestly thought that my life was taking a positive turn,

But It was short lived.

Sincerely,
Me




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