Pan

Azul
2017-01-09 02:11:54 (UTC)

First Flutters

Is it possible for love to last? And how does one know if they are in love with someone or not? All I have ever seen in the 2 decades that I have been alive, are couples who end up not working out because of certain reasons. Maybe because they found another person to love or because of circumstances. Statistically speaking, about 50% of Americans end up getting divorced. This scares me. I used to not think about these things and initially thought that I would probably not ever have to worry about finding someone to live the rest of my life with. But around 2 years ago I had my first heart flutter. It surprised as well as scared me. I first thought that I was having heart problems and was sick, but I found that wasn't the cause. Every time I looked at that person, heard their voice, or even heard their name being called my heart would begin to flutter. And it made me the happiest person on earth because I never thought that something like this could happen to me. I had finally found my first crush at the age of 19. (It took me long enough.) Of course the person knew that I liked them. I couldn't have been more obvious. I would always smile when I was around them and, one time, while they were helping me with something I just looked up at them and stared at them like an idiot. But I couldn't help myself. They shined like the sun to me and I felt like I had to wear shades every time I new I was going to see them. Whenever they would approach me I would always try to avoid talking to them so that they wouldn't see how awkward I was. Of course I regretted those lost opportunities, but my fear always prevents me from doing things that I want. Despite this, there were still moments that I would look into their eyes and the whole world would fall away. This happened more than once which only increased the flutters. Though I love these emotions that were brought on by this one person, I am starting to be afraid that they will never go away. It has been 2 years since the moment that we locked eyes and the flutters began. And though I am sure that they are aware of my feelings, they can't do anything about it. I have not seen them in over almost 1/2 a year and they cannot come back from their travels until 6 months from now. I have tried to move on, but for some reason I can't. And it's probably because a part of me does not want to forget these feelings. I am at a loss at what to do. Should I give up the sun to stay in the comfort of the night, or can a moon shine bright enough for even the sun to notice it?




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