2017-01-09 01:22:24 (UTC)


I try to visit this space. Every week. Like a ritual
of masochism.
Revisiting the parts where things were good
and bad.
A past so distant but real.

I come here to see if you've remembered this time to let it all go.
I come here to see if our past had been deleted. And it isn't.
Not one single of our memories. Not yet. And I know that one day it will be and it will be replaced with your new love
and your new life.

But for now I am here.
When I am here I feel connected to the ghost of you.

When I am here I can feel myself sliding into the groove that time etched for me
Feeling the bark scratch into my skin
Your initials and
I know I was here.

Sometimes people stop to admire
The crescent moon on my wrist
and I just smile and say thank you.

But it was never a moon to me.
It has always been a C. An initial
of who I was supposed to be and yet the name
was never really mine to have, was it?

But I believed it.
I believed a lot of things back then
When you're too young to understand that this is all there is
and all of it is precious enough to protect fiercely and with all of your heart.

I believed that it was alive, even then. And now I visit the grave long after its death.
Because without you I never would have burned.
I never would have reborn.

The ashes are all that I have left to remember you by
And one day you will come to settle what remains.

Until that day,
I will visit.
I will bring flowers.
And I will pray.