šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2017-01-04 03:05:26 (UTC)

Flagging Motivation.

Since my insane desire to drink wine last week after Christmas and before The New Year began, I have had very little to no motivation. I haven't done even half the things that I wanted to get done. It's been more than enough just to feed myself every day. I've been pushing myself to sit outside each day several times under the grapevine on my smoking chair. This has helped a lot. Especially lifted my spirits. Went for my usual Wednesday walk up to the shops to buy cigarettes, a loaf of bread and a few yummy bananas. Bananas have potassium so I need to eat them plus magnesium-rich foods for aches and pains in my ageing muscles. Aching less now, which is good.
My minfulness work has slowed down too, and I'm definitely noticing a not-so-nice difference.
While I was walking to the shops, I struggled through a decision to not buy any wine today and I haven't. I don't feel any better for making the right choice and the wisest choice, but I don't feel any worse either for it.
Had a quick smoke in the beautiful park near the shopping strip and practiced mindfulness appreciation for my natural surroundings. The deep red tea roses are lovely and so are the deep orange Canna lilies. The seating area was clean today, which I also appreciated. Usually I take a moment to pick up all the trash left by others. There are two public trash bins a few steps away from the seats, however, people trash the seating area and gardens. (?)
Fed the little birds with my bread. I was so pleased to have something to give them this time. I kept an eye on the larger birds in the background too because they bully the little birds for their share of bread.
Really didn't want to be out in public today, so I hurried home.
I really want to conquer my fears this year and the anxiety ; both still have a mind of their own...
Up to a full dose of anti-D and Sero at the moment and it is helping. Only a temporary measure though.
The important thing I need to remember is to not pick up a drink today...
Have an important self-care step to get through today and I'll be glad if that is the only other thing that gets accomplished.
The weather is sunny and on the cool side with intermittent rain spit.
Back to bed with my current novel. Just can't do life much today. My life burdens are immobilizing me. At least I'm still here, blood is pumping through my veins and I'm breathing...




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