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2017-01-03 13:43:47 (UTC)

Another day

Yesterday Red tried to get a hold of me. After a month of not talking to me she just pops up. My brother thinks it's because she knew that I'm due money soon and of course had ulterior motives. She was also quite defensive when I mentioned about her going to R about things that had to do with me. She actually was insulted by the prospect. There's no telling. I did manage to tell her that I doubt that I'll hear from her again until some token holiday if at all. Before I would have been sad by the idea of it. Now though? I'm finding it easier to just let go of the fair weather friends.

I started about RSS but I never finished because nine years is a lot to go through. So I'll just break it down. He was explosive. He had a really nasty temper. Even hit me one time during one of those explosions. His own depression ate at him and he would take it out on me. One thing I gave Red was she was right about him. There will always be another. He manages to get women to feel bad for him and basically pay his way. He makes friends that he has buy things for him and moves in with them until they kick him out. He manipulates people. In many ways RSS and R can be alike. Though there are traits from R that are like G. R hated when I compared him to them, but when it's there it's there. RSS is very good at what he does. Including stalking me. That had been the most recent thing. Thankfully once more it has seemed to stop. There have been made up accounts on Facebook trying to add me. Something he had done before.

I spent years being tortured by RSS all for trying to be his friend even after the end. He broke up a relationship. He kept trying. Something that I fear R will do and why I can't move on. I won't be allowed to ever. He will do what he can to ruin anything. And since males believe other males over their mates it will come to pass. Alone is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. Though for me the reality is that it is destined for me. I ruined my mother's life. I ruined most all lives that I've come in contact with through the years. Everyone tells me it's not true but while for others it is true, for me it's all me. Not one man in my life has ever loved me for me. They've either wanted the sex or money. Not once has anyone cared about me and who I am. Then again since I don't even know who I am any more, I can't even say for sure. R ripped away so much from me after giving me so much hope in 3 short years.

I'm going to start closing out with something that I came to realize. In watching a show, the quotes they use are very fitting. I think that I will add them to this at the end. Something to think about as the day passes.

Shakespeare wrote, “Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable.”

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