šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-12-31 05:30:05 (UTC)

Something Light-hearted. (Minor Adjustment.)

Hahaha New Zealand and the rest of the world! Here we go...

Sorry that I have to pick on The New Zealand Police but they are such wonderful fun to put under the spotlight of humour.

POLICE PROVERBS.

The New Zealand Police are unarmed. They don't carry anything stronger than a lipstick sized canister of mace. I've never had the personal experience of being on the receiving end of a spray in the face, however, I do believe it involves pain. Three times, I have had a taser gun pointed at me. Huh. Wasn't scared in the least...I was totally petrified and shocked!!
There are lock boxes with powerful firearms inside some New Zealand cop cars. They are kept locked.

CRISIS SCENARO :

Manic, pumped-up male comes screaming out of his address with a firearm.
"I'm gonna kill you pig!"
The officer high tails it round to the closed trunk of the police unit.
"Just a second asshole. Let me pop the trunk and get my key out!" (Which he does.) Manic guy checks the safety catch on his weapon and brings it up to aim position. The cop sees this and so do his colleagues who make a mad scramble for the taser guns. The cop pops the boot.
"Now just wait a minute Looney-tunes while I unlock my weapon and check it..." Demands the panicked cop..
Looney-tunes has his eye up to the scope of his weapon.
"Okay," says panicked cop, "I've got my gun out and now I'm going to shoot you."
But does he actually say that? He's already dead.

Psychological weaponry is mightier than the the bullet in New Zealand with our police frontline crew and those civilian colleagues who man the phonelines along wirh them. Here is a light-hearted salute to one of the globe's last unarmed police force : THE ROYAL NEW ZEALAND POLICE, and some of the wittiest defense statements in history.

POLICE PROVERBS.

"I bet they did!"

"That's not a nice address. Stay away from it."

"Do you think I don't recognize a lie when I hear one?"

"And where the HELL did you get your motorbike licence from! The back of a Weetbix packet!"
(And they are not being funny.)

"Tell me another one."

"I said get back inside now! Or I'll arrest you!!"

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

"What is this?"

"Who does this belong to?"

"Don't lie to me. I've heard it all before!"

"Why do I bother coming to work!"

"You're rego's out."

"By crikey. You play up one more time and so HELP me!!!"

"Get the hell back here or I'll arrest you!"

"You open this door now or I'll open it for you!"

"You're under arrest!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You both have different stories which means one of you is lying."

"Will you just keep quiet while I am talking!"

"Get back inside now or I'll arrest you!"

"Do I look like I was born yesterday?!"

"Someone better tell me what has been going on here tonight, or you'll all be coming with me!"

"Get away from the cop car."

"Unlock this car now or I'll arrest you!"

SEVERAL COP BLOOD CHILLERS :

Let's start with my favourite :

"We can do this the easy way or THE HARD WAY."

"Can I see your licence please?"

"Blow in this."
(And no. I'm not inferring anything dodgy. It's a breathalizer test device.)

"State your name and address please."
(An alternative breathalizer test device.)

"I clocked you at over 30 kilometres an hour."

"What have you got to say for yourself!"

"Your number plates don't match the name you've given me."

"You just blew SIX TIMES over the limit. Now. I'm pretty good at maths, what about you?"

Hope 2016 has been a good to you. ♥AJ.




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