All that is
Ad 2:
2016-12-26 20:54:09 (UTC)


I swear i'm losing my mind. Have lost my mind.

How do i summarise this latest crush I'm suffering from?

- I'm legit sat here, looking at Nigerian Baby names as if i have one on the way. you see, the thing is, i have another (on its way to epic) crush. His name is S. He's Nigerian - well his father is nigerian and his mother is jamaican. it's so interesting how that's the first thing i note. beforehand it would have been something else i'm sure - something about how he looks, or some distinguisihnig feature. It's telling because I think it points to the fact that I'm probs more inclined in that way. That I want tsomeone who is nigerian, who has that shared domain of experience. But then there's the jamaican side - i'll be honest - i'm not so fond of jamaicans - or jamyycans, as my mummy calls them. they just have so many collective habits that I dislike. Their family units are a mess or literally non-existent, they don't marry - they have children out of wedlock, (wow at how archaic i sound by the way - quite hilarious because if i was having this same convo with gender theory people in my course, i'd prefix all of these things with phrases like 'i know that marriage is not the central unit or the only way to be or live or build a family' or 'i'm basing this on heterosexual reltaionship because that's the dynamic i'm most familira with' or some sort bullshit. lol it's not that i don't believe all that, i do, but sometimes it's just nce to speak in simple (selfish?) terms that only align with my own experience. and there's nothing wrong with that - i'm talking about myself, in my own diary right?) where was i? oh yea - they have lose morals basically, the men are crap they cheat most of the time, if i meet a black guy who's doing well, educated, good upbringing etc, I almost always asusme that he's african. if i find out he is jamaican or from the caribbean, i'm genuinely surprised. I remember when i was dating joshua (lite skin josh) and he had a friend whos name i forgot and the friend was doing really well - smart, worldy, ambitiuos, respectful but also knew how to turn up. and I jsut assumed he was african. and i remember making some comments to josh, based on that assusmptioni and he seemed genuinly offended for a moment - and i have a feeling that he had some inkling as to why i assumed this.

Anyway it seems that s is more in tune with his naija side - while doing some semi-casual stalking, i came across his actors profile on starnow and i noticed that he'd ticked african inside the box where you state your ethnicity. also he's lived in naija, has worked there for a few months in a bank and has a house there. His dad