The Grown Up Years of a Weird Woman
2016-12-24 05:00:08 (UTC)

Who Am I?

Sup Journal,
I've been doin alright, in a sad mood currently- which suggests to write out the sadness. Coping mechanism I suppose??

Anyway I was just thinking in a lovely, poetic way.

I've never truly let anyone in. Or nobody wants to come into my life. Both, I guess. Nobody truly knows me, but I think it's because I don't know myself. I don't really know who I am.

So Katie. Who are you? How would you describe yourself? What is it you want in life? Who do you want to be?

I am me. I choose to be kind yet stern. Hopeful yet logical. Loving yet guarded.
I am kind, loyal, optimistic, giving, blunt, emotional, TRIGGGEERRED. Jk but I also try to be funny and fun, not take life to serious. But it really is a serious matter dude. Your identity matters, who you're matters.

I want to give people hope, advice, love, to feel they matter.
Honestly I always try to ignore this feeling I've always had and knew about myself. I do not fit in. I've never felt like I have fit in anywhere.

The only person I've ever opened up to was my best friends in middle school, but you surely have read how they ended up. It's not their fault for my flaws.

Why am I like this??? Why can't someone just come into my life and take away this empty void I have in me? WHY CAN'T I FIX THIS VOID MYSELF? I mean I have in a certain way- by blocking it and focusing on getting through the day. I'm doing terrible in school right now and I'm seriously stressed about it but continue to ignore it.

I need better friends. How do you even make friends lmao, I mean I have made friends but like outside of school? How do you invite someone to hangout? Simple yet complex thing, especially since I'm kinda awkward.

Yeeeeeah I just don't fit in anywhere I go. With people, with friends, with guys, especially with guys I find attractive. I blush, stutter, can't look em in the eyes. Sometimes I play it cool but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I embarrass myself like 99.9 percent of the time.

So yup, me complaining c;

Laters Pal:)

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