Ad 2:
Digital Ocean
Providing developers and businesses with a reliable, easy-to-use cloud computing platform of virtual servers (Droplets), object storage ( Spaces), and more.
2016-12-18 15:45:52 (UTC)

Conscious thought

I am making a conscious decision today. I will no longer post anything on Facebook. No more pictures. No more updates. No more anything. I am not an attractive person so there is no reason for me to post pictures of myself. Instead it's just repulsive to other people.

I will no longer post updates or "like" things. I will no longer "share" things. I will just use it as a place to play some random games and nothing more. If my real friends want to talk to me, then they will. The rest? Just stalkers that aren't friends looking for something to talk about.

I won't be using it to talk to others as they aren't friends either. If they were, they have my phone number to call me. As I sat there and looked at my supposed friends on Facebook, I came to realize not a one of them are really a friend. There's the one that tore into me because of things I was posting who honestly has never exchanged a word with me in the length of time they were my "friend". They were a friend of a friend and just playing the agreeing and backing their friend game.

These aren't friends. These are just people that only contact me on my birthday or by obligation of some holiday. It's very clear who I want in my life so that shouldn't be a big secret. I've offended everyone by posting and having been told repeatedly "get over it" or "you're the only one that can change things" when I have those in the wings saying shit like ... "You deserve exactly how I talk to you, if at all" "You're a lying bitch because _________" "You're horrible because you did ________." And my personal favorite "You're not a friend because you can't get over what you did. You're not a friend because I don't like what you're posting". Basically reinforcing what I've said about being a horrible person. It's ironic isn't it? I admit to being a horrible person and it's proven true by people who are trying to argue that by saying that I'm a horrible person because I said I'm a horrible person. Does that make sense to anyone?

What's really ironic? When I was trying to "get over it" there were crickets. I heard nothing from these people saying they are friends. Instead they only jumped because they were tired of the "depressing" things I was posting when I have a low day. I can honestly say that I've not heard from these so called friends in over two weeks. Not a call, not a Skype message, nothing. Wonderful support huh? I think I hear from a handful.

The ones I do hear from? My brother Wes, who texts me at least once a day. Sometimes twice if he can. We'll sometimes talk on the phone but that's only when we both have time. One of said friend's husband. He messages me at least once a day to just chat. My daughter and son in law, that's a given though since I live with them (only ones that had a place for me when I was given 2 weeks to move). Then there's Heather who has been in my life and loved me longer than the supposed men in my life. Go figure that one out. That's about the extent of it. The rest hide in the shadows and stalk my page to see what I post about so that it's gossip for later. Paranoid? Maybe. Doubtful though when friends of many years suddenly forget what my phone number is or how to type in Skype. Not even a passing hello. Great friends huh? And let's not forget the ones that ran to buddy up to R. My wish for them? That they get to see what I did and that he does to them exactly what he did to so many women. Woo them, charm them, then get them to whore it up on cam for him. I'm sure they'll feel so much better about themselves when they realize that he's pushed them or he's gotten them to degrade themselves to being cheap, tawdry porn for him. That this is a man that bragged about having naked pictures of women that he met through role play. That this is a man that secretly takes great pleasure in making pictures from something so personal. And yet I still love him. That's really what's ironic. Though yes I do wish that they get to see him for who he really is. Mind you these are the same friends that kept telling me he's controlling and abusive. That I should get rid of him and now they're all best friends. And maybe just maybe I'll get courageous enough to post those pictures just for the world to see what he's really like.

For now though, this is my decision. I'm done.