šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-12-04 05:42:03 (UTC)

Gratitude On The Sabbath.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR :

Being alive.
The gospel of Jesus Christ in all its entirety.
The Book of Mormon.
A beautiful daughter and son-in-law.
Three beautiful grandchildren.
The Angels of Heaven.
A loving God.
A roof over my head.
The will to survive.
Hope and Wisdom.
Recovery principles.
Integrity.
The artist within me.
My intelligence.
Friends.
My phone.
My tablet.
The food I eat.
My bed.
My shoes.
Peace and quiet.
Enemies.
Celebration.
Affirmation.
Guidance.
Routines and systems that are healthy.
Books.
Sleep.
My body, mind, heart and spirit.
Lucid thinking.
My clothes.
My hairbrush.
My toothbrushes.

•••ā—•••ā—•••ā—•••ā—•ā˜…•ā—•••ā—•••ā—•••ā—•••

It's five p.m. this Sabbath evening. I'm beginning to really miss church attendance and formal Sunday worship. Even though I've thought about going back to the church that I am a member of all year, I haven't felt safe enough to make the plunge alone. I have been one weekend with someone else a few months ago, for the General Conference broadcast but I haven't attended since. It's been nice to attend my friends' churches but it's not quite the same thing. They're not my religion. I know I'm nearing the time when I will turn up at my church and hopefully I will have the courage to not look back. I need to trust that I have a safe adult within me who has learnt the kind of skills that it takes to keep my inner-child safe. There will be monsters and predators everywhere I go in what remains of my life on earth. That's a reality I'm still learning to accept.

It's been a quiet, restful day. I haven't had my medication because I'm afraid of it. I've got inflamed strained muscles in my side and hip / lumbar area and it's really painful to move. But move I must. Been getting up and lying down all day. Just finished the last book I got on Monday gone.

It's interesting how I picked up two books on Monday out of the free boxes at the book exchange that had identical nemeses : T. Harris's The Red Dragon and D.Brown's The Lost Symbol.
Even their physical appearances were very much alike.

That's the problem with being a book-lover. I can't put the book down until I've finished it. Trying my best to keep my nose out of newspapers and the news in general. Glad I don't have a television because I would be switching from one news channel to the other. Not only would that annoy my daughter when I go up there and watch their t.v. but she wouldn't like my grandchildren being exposed to gory and disturbing news reports.
(At a couple of stages in my life, I couldn't go to sleep without the t.v. on BBC news all night.) A true news dependent addict.

Update : Rest of Entry.

It's 22:55 and I can't sleep. Worrying about the meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I'm getting up at 06:30 a.m. in the morning so I have enough time to prepare something. I can't do it tonight, I just can't, I don't have what it takes to do it tonight.

Here's the rest of the entry I lost before earlier on in the day.

The early Summer weather is beautiful. The heat is climbing slowly as each day passes yet it's still bearable. The grapevine leaves have now grown back thickly and created a beautiful leafy canopy over the deck. It keeps the deck cool, which I enjoy. The grapes have started to bud and there is going to be another bumper harvest this year. I'd say about one hundred to one hundred and twenty kilos of fruit. Amazing.

I've decided to leave the planning stage of my book manuscript until Christmas or even the New Year because I need to focus on an important part of recovery until then. I'm simply not ready to do it.

Still practising mindfulness and focussing on the victim thinking that disempowers me. I have been blessed with an effective mindfulness technique to help empty out this kind of thinking and the dark and painful visualisations that are connected to victim thinking.

I'm at an in-between place at the moment where I am re-building a support network outside of professional circles. I'm tired of institutions. I pray that this will work...I know it's not going to happen overnight...

Well that's about it for this entry.
I feel a whole lot better.
I love you my little family.
Miss you very much grandchildren. Gramma. XXXOOO♥♥♥




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