suelita

Confessions
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2016-11-30 01:58:31 (UTC)

11/28/16

It’s still fresh in my mind, constantly repeating itself; that painful memory over and over again.
Something inside of me said everything would be fine and that things would gradually be okay if I tried to restore the connection we once had before things had turned out the way it did. Was it really a gut feeling? Was that the only time you felt that way? Because if that were true then you must have felt, what I felt during the moments you had crossed my mind and lingered endlessly when I was not able to lay my head peacefully at night. I can only wonder if that was the truth, that could just be wishful thinking or just my intuition. I pulled myself together thinking I could do it and I truly believed that. But when you replied, my body responded differently.
I froze mid-way as my mind was confused. I remember, I clenched onto the side of my waist tightly as I put my other hand over my mouth. My complexion still unresponsive as to what kind of emotion I should display but the tears that hazily blurred my vision began to stream down my cheeks when I started to gasp for air. Why?
I was ready, was I not?
So many nights go by and I wake up in distraught, thoughts of my mistakes floods and fills every crevice of my head. But at the end of these long night discussions within myself, I always come up with the same conclusion. This is what I deserve, the only thing I truly deserve. To suffer on my own and only myself.


These memories seep into my skin like pins and needles, as I watch and feel them being pushed in deeper and deeper until it reaches my heart as it bleeds out forever as it fills up an endless sea of nothing but waste.


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