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2016-11-30 01:45:51 (UTC)


“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” - C. S. Lewis

I admit to myself that I wanted things to end, I went into this relationship with no idea of what I wanted out of it. In hopes I thought, after awhile I would come to terms of what my heart desired but even then I still couldn’t find the answer I was searching for. And it wasn’t fair to him or myself to let things go any further. I couldn’t keep dragging on the feelings of guilt and confusion anylonger, unable to look past my conflicted emotions... I had to let him go. This problem was bound to happen later on down the road. In a sense, I knew this would happen. A few weeks before the whole situation occurred, in the minor incidences we had I had intentionally made difficulties in our relationship. Why? Because I wanted to push him away, I wanted him to see this side on me. I thought it would be easier for him to let me go, if he had knew what kind of person I could become. Of course, I know that was wrong of me to do but I didn’t know what else to do at the time. But it worked. And I’m okay with the decision that I had made. As long as he is happy, that is all I want. I don’t regret what I did, if paying the price of not being part of his life anymore means he’ll be okay then I’m more than glad to have done what I did. In my heart I believed what I did was for the best. It was because “I loved him too much” to realise it myself that it was for the best, like he had said. I hope that he will find someone who will be the reason for making his heart smile brightly.
I will always be thankful for what he had brought into my life, capability to show compassion for another individual, love. I will always remember the person who gave me this ability and this is my way of showing it to him now,