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2016-11-15 02:01:29 (UTC)

You know I have thought about suicide a lot..

You know I have thought about suicide a lot in the past. I don't anymore. I just remember one specific time when I really was going to do it.

I actually told my friend Brad, not my boyfriend this is a different Brad (we call him Gill), that I was going away on a holiday for some time and this would be the last time I saw him in awhile. I was going to say the same thing to my boyfriend Brad, who was not my boyfriend at the time, but we had a fight that night over something stupid in a parking lot. He drove off and I thought to myself "wow is this really the last conversation I'm going to have with Brad".

Luckily he texted me that night about the fight. I guess I just let it all out and unloaded everything I'd been thinking and feeling onto him. I told him my plans I told him everything and he managed to convince me not to. I feel horrible knowing the stress that would have put him through. I know what it feels like because Corey did it to me.
It's even worse when they stop replying.

I didn't of course. Just cried a lot. If you follow my diary you might recall the entry about Brad saving my life. This is about that night.
I'm not sure why I was thinking about it today but better to write about it then not vent at all.
I don't feel suicidal. It was just on my mind after watching a depressing documentary about girls suffering from anorexia nervosa.

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