LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
Ad 2:
2016-11-02 11:35:08 (UTC)

what the


"Brothers on a Hotel Bed" by Death Cab For Cutie [I'm in the mood for this kind of cold music]

You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
'Cause I'm not who I used to be

Turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for
Both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside
Someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident

On the back of a motor bike
With your arms outstretched, trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed
We couldn't break from the concrete
In the city we reside

And I have learned
Even landlocked lovers yearn
For the sea light navy men
???


November 2, 2016 Wednesday 11:37 AM


K so I'm sitting in the doctor's office right now. AJ, the kid who drives me home, couldn't give me a ride back to school today because his uncle died and yeah :/ I hope he's all right.

Anyway, so my mom had to pick me up from New Visions on her way to a translating appoint, so I'm waiting for her. This lobby thing has free wifi though, and it ain't half bad!

I feel very strange typing in a lobby-thing. All professional and crap, like my dad or something.

But this is not what I meant to ramble about.

As a quick note to my future self, since she will probably not remember otherwise (and god knows she hates the gaps I leave):

Yesterday was a good day. You did a lab with Sarah and Sarah told you that she wants you to be her permanent lab partner. You also talked a lot to Chris. He's slowly discovering how disorganized a person you are haha. Later, you sat around with Adrian and Isaac. Isaac was all, "Y'know, Veronica, you just get me." And you might've fucked things up following that (I have vague reasons to believe this okay, it's just not worth detailing – but you probably remember that anyway. You're very good at remembering stupid shit. No offense). Adrian was okay but also Not, which is typical. But this didn't annoy you. You kind of understood, for some reason. Things were a little clearer when it came to him.

After school, you had to go to a meeting in which you had to speak for a bit. Everyone did. But, like. You spoke well. It was kind of bizarre – you actually got your ideas across and it was generally just a good meeting.

You also finished Futurama, but that was on Halloween, and okay you just really love that show. It's on your favorites list now.

Later, you had this New Vision's Parent's Night, where basically you had to dress nice and go to the massry at the Cancer Research Center, where all 13 of you gave 5 minute presentations detailing our curriculum. Kind of. Mostly we talked about the different rotations we went on, which span a veeerrrryyy wide variety of subjects. Yours was on Public Health. But, like. You know that.

Dad said he was impressed and you were pleased with that, because you felt super anxious before the presentation before like 30 people.... you really hate public speaking. It was OK when it was over though.

Sarah introduced you to her parents as her "favorite" which was nice. She also made you follow her and her family to the lab just so she could gesture to the hood and say, "Welcome to my HOOD." Ok so it's a lame joke but the more I think about it the funnier it gets.

Today was also a really good day, man. You and Chris discussed classic books. He was like, "Why the hell would anyone ever write Lolita."
And was all, "Of mice and men is awesome."
I was like, "I love Lord of the Flies." And it was more interesting than I'm making it sound okay.
After that you guys started talking about TV again haha. We went on a rotation in which a lady discussed stuttering and the neurological reasons behind it??? Although it was kind of vague. Mostly, she was talking about the social aspects of stuttering, I guess? She stutters. It was a very good rotation though.

Alright, are you satisfied, self? Did you skip this whole thing? Fuck you, man, I did it for yOU.

---

The real stuff??

Like, dude. What happens when we're technologically advanced enough to actually... get RID of depression. And other mental illnesses. But for simplicity's sake, let's stick with depression for now.

So I'm reading this research paper in which the authors are studying a connection between inflammation in the brain and depression, which got me to thinking that eventually, all these minute details may be worked out and mental illness could turn into a little thing like, I dunno, the flu, where usually it doesn't kill you. Some of them, at least. Perhaps really complicated ones would still be difficult to deal with, even in this imaginary future.

What would be left? Am I crazy to think that would be a loss? Probably. It's probably because I feel good right now but – I mean, what if you chose not to treat your depression or whatever? Then, you wouldn't be cut any sort of slack by anyone.

---

2:56 PM

I lost my train of thought. To be honest, I lost it before I even started writing a few hours ago. But I tried.

I'm really happy!

The day is beautiful, I'm wearing my Ben Franklin shirt (where he's doing the whole key/kite thing) and my mom got me some ginger kombucha and tofu stuff. Which, okay, those things are delicacies to me.

Also, I mean. I got out of school at like 11. And I have a field trip tomorrow. That's a good day. My classmates are going to the pine bush though and I'm sad I'll be missing that, but also not really because the pine bush is super close and I can go whenever although I don't know if I will.

I FEEL VERY NOSTALGIC. I want to go to Mass Moca and see that Alex Da Corte exhibit one last time before they take it down, because it is pretty much caught nostalgia in a few rooms and I'm in the mood to immerse myself. To die. To live with very little sleep because who cares anymore. This is a good mood, is what I'm trying to say.

Still, I feel kinda all over the place, so I'm a little worried about how this is coming across. Probably confusing. I'm sorry.

Once again, I'm not sure if I wanna post this. Maybe later.



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