LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2016-10-25 18:00:34 (UTC)

hey look i posted

October 31, 2016 Monday 9:00 PM


(I'm in one of those hide-in-a-corner moods; I never wanna be anywhere that I am.)

So I basically slept through Halloween.

Well. No. I decided to take a nap a quarter past six and about twenty minutes in, I was just skimming sleep which is when the doorbell started ringing. Kept ringing. OVer and over. 'Cause, you know. It's Halloween. My dad had fun answering the door, I think. He had make-up on. Some vampire teeth and crayon all over the face. I love Halloween for that. Everyone has so much fun and it's just nice.

But I wasn't really included in Halloween, I guess. I stopped trick-or-treating and dressing up years ago and I used to give out the candy, but I guess not this time, haha. Adrian had some kind of party today, but I didn't go.

He said he understood because he's finally taking school seriously and stuff so he gets where I'm coming from when I opt out of stuff. Good for him. Then he said, "I'm sympathetic so I don't have to feel sympathetic towards you... hah!" or something. It was a weird, illogical thing to say but I guess I got what he meant.

Basically, he didn't have to feel sorry for me because he's under the same stress.

That's cool Adrian. Go fuck urself. Ur the one who decided to throw a party. I think for a second he was gonna say he threw it for me, since last week, in passing, I was all, "I wanna go to a Halloween party" but I meant over the weekend and it wasn't exactly a strong urge and just. In the end, I wasn't asking for anything.

I am resigned to the fact that Adrian will always be the kind of friend who really gets on my nerves. I like him, though. Everyone around me likes him, which is part of why I continue being friends with him, but like. Sometimes we have some really good conversations and he let me borrow this really cool book. I can't remember the name but it's by Neil Gaiman and it's illustrated and just. Good.

I don't know.

I'm really, really not in a good mood. I was last week (I think?) and over the weekend. Today, just. Nah. I feel stressed out and sometimes I hate New Visions just for the social aspect. I fucking hate having to talk to these strangers. I just can't get over it. I feel so separate. It reminds me of elementary school and middle school somehow. I had friends, but I was still very separate.

Ugh.

Oh yeah. I was also annoyed with Alexis today, which is rare, but it passed. Annoyed with Liv too because she ate my kit-kat, given to me by a teacher, without asking. That's just irritating. But it's the whole pick your battles thing. I have tons of candy here at my house, including kit-kats. It's all okay.

I feel stupid. I'm not going to post this today. I might not post it ever.


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