šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-11-02 05:38:31 (UTC)

Sick And Tired Of Dysfunction.

Safe support in recovery is so hard to find. This person that I've been texting and having coffee with as of late, is still sick. This person has connections to TMF's family and that is not very safe for me. She's been unsafe for me in the past so I think I will leave it there. I'm prone to creating positive veneers about people who are just not good for me. When I was still with that sick fuck male friend in a relationship, I think they were seeing each other. What THE FUCK do I think I am doing? I've shared a hell of a lot of personal stuff with this person in a short space of time and had to cover up one thing with an exaggeration because I didn't want to expose just how traumatic this experience was. This is a small town and shit gets around. Ah fuck it I don't care. I'm big enough and brave enough to take the fallout. (No I'm not.)
I'll stay with my sponsor. (No I won't.)
Recovery isn't easy though it's a heck of a lot better than using.
Power and control is a huge part of contemporary society. Scary. As long as I don't intentionally practice these things, I'll be fine. Or at least safer.
Met some really genuine people out and about in the community today.
Had a nasty encounter with a counter clerk today that I was able to set right. It felt wonderful to put into action recovery principles. Keeping my side of the street less cluttered than it usually is. Did everything in town today that I usually do tomorrow so I could make a free day Thursday - 2moro - for mental health support group. Looking forward to it.
Eaten dinner, had a precious hot shower and now I'm in bed early tonight after telling TMF off not once but twice today.
Missing my grandchildren tonight very much.
I've read over my 19 and more message threads (mobile phone) and realised that I am doing the majority of work, so I'm putting a stop to that right now.
I only have text conversations with 50% of them anyway.

Just heard that someone else from a 12-step program recently passed away. Sober of course. RIP Bald Eagle - over and out.

Going to sleep now. Gnite.




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