always wth love

Venusgurl
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2016-10-28 07:56:14 (UTC)

Run! Run! What I didn't do last..

Run! Run!
What I didn't do last night I felt so out of place, I was a mess id texted my bf, I need his words to confront me, I felt so worthless....I look beyond what I could've been all ready :( I felt so insecure that I ask him are still together? he said yes of course! I so don't believe still...if I see him at all this weekend I might loose it all together. I might just sit there in the car wont speak. I hate that I couldn't calm down I felt so weak not ware of my tone of my voice. I guess I didn't realize it took my so quickly, my mom tired asking what's up? I couldn't tell her, I just knew how her mind works so it doesn't work. I felt my head hurting again its happens too much now its coming so normal to me. last night I didn't say goodnight to him I felt like what's wrong now? it feels like everything has stumble underneath me. I hate it MYSELF.

in my head I look at my right arm where an elephant tattoo and #23 and RWBY are on my forearm it was covered in blood that was a nightmare/painic attack id drowning that I couldn't breathe it took there back to suicidal again haven't really talked bout it in months. I know I was wth my bf when id found something to cut myself. I remember cleaning up good enough he wouldn't expected a thing. I lie down and pretend am a sleep. he wakes up to and delight wakes me up, ill be back I need do something. I give a small grin and tires to go back to sleep....then I actually woke up at 1:45am I felt so real again this time to Damn real to be honest wth you.


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