šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-10-27 07:04:35 (UTC)

A Good Day On The Outside.

It's been a busy day today. The Spirit of Summer is permeating the world of New Zealand down under.
Got through everything that I needed to in town except for a social coffee visit with a fellow recovery friend. I completely forgot about the coffee invitation that's how busy my day was. (Plus if I hadn't of been finishing wine in the morning I would have remembered.)
Sent an apology text and caught up in text conversation, so the offer is there for next week...I feel so bad when I forget about appointments with recovery friends because it feels to me like I'm letting the team down.

It was a great day with activities in the outside world and this helped to counteract the dark mood and physiological discomfort of a hangover. On a scale of 1-10 - 10 being bed-ridden and so damn ill, it's not fnny, I was a severe 7. Keeping moving and active did help some, though I would rather have stayed in bed.
At least I'm letting myself feel the after effects now. During my last relapse, I'd get high to avoid withdrawal and not feel seedy and not crave and shake and jitter on the inside.
(Unless I was exceptionally sick and I had to swear off drink and drugs for several days)...something quite powerful about mindfulness. Even if it's being mindful and totally aware of the awful, miserable downside of getting high.
The longer I sit with discomfort and pain instead of escaping it, I learn that this stint in active addiction is harming me and I don't want to harm myself anymore - the price of getting high is a bitter price to pay. It's a price that my personal recovery cannot afford. I'm making progress harder for myself. Another thing I have to be careful of is the oasis drinking. When everything is not so bad and I'm experiencing a lull in the life battle, I drink too. ...And then again I just drink. Another thing I've noticed is that most of the time I make the decision to drink and not just compulsively buy alcohol or feel controlled by the craving and hanging out for another fix. Plus I've barely smoked weed in two years and have only done street pills once in several years. I need to work at holding on to hope that I can be abstinent once again. I'm blessed with a LOT of help and support as I reach out for it.

Travelling north tomorrow for my now fortñightly visits with my little family. Cuddles of the baby - can't wait. Little darling. Soon be on solids this little one. He doesn't like the bottle. Screws up his little face and chews the teat and won't drink much. Still works though...ten mls here, ten mls there. :-)

Half an hour past my bedtime. Need to sleep this horrible detoxification feeling off. I hate it and my tummy is tender, not to mention that I still have walking pneumonia and a head cold and asthma that I can't shake even with antibiotics. So I've still got it all goin' on right now.

I stumbled onto something which came to me today that lessened my suffering ; especially the self-inflicted side. It was one of those rare moments of clarity - here for a few seconds then it was gone.
Still got blessings to count and I worked hard at doing this for most of the day, as ill as I felt. Somehow counting my daily blessings as they occur helps. By suppertime my detox symptoms had miraculously nearly gone when usually they would still be there after a long, hard drink.

Gnite and here comes gramma my grandbabies! With treats!





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