atomheartmother03

A Saucerful of Secrets (Warning - Sexual Content!)
2016-10-24 18:46:31 (UTC)

Crazy over the rainbow I am crazy. Bars in the window.

So I have reread some of my entries...and I sound like a complete lunatic...lol..either that or a sex-crazed teenager..

But anyway..I just wanted to try to reflect some more on my feelings for him..

I know that we have a strong sexual attraction to each other..I don't know why he does to me, but it's there..for now anyway..until he decides to be done again..

For me, it goes beyond that though.. I really could see me and him together and I really do have deep feelings for him..

Part of me feels like I should just end the whole thing..and I KNOW that is the RIGHT thing to do.. Maybe I should just see how things go with my husband and me..then if things don't work out with him and we end up getting divorced or something..then maybe I could pursue this a little further..

Part of me just honestly doesn't care though and just wants what I want..

I am soo torn.

I want him soo bad, but I know it's wrong.

It's like there is an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other telling me what to do.

I know I should listen to the angel...but why is it sooo hard? (And why when I said sooo hard did my mind instantly think of his hard cock that I felt yesterday through his pants and in my mouth?!)

See? I'm terrible!

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why can't I resist this temptation?

Why do I love him? He is just using me! :(

I guess I've always been used to being used though..maybe that's why I'm so susceptible to it..

And also..I think it's just my relationship with my husband is not very good right now and I think that makes me want him even more..

But what I need to realize..I mean I know I know this..but it's like I just won't realize it..if that makes sense..is that he does not want what I want..he wants sex only..that's it. I mean that's what he told me himself..that's all it is for him..

I just need to get the fuck over it..He is never going to love me the way I love him..

I just need to get it out of my crazy fucked up head.





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