always wth love
what i can tell part 2
Been home bout an hour so, its 2:02pm
I felt not sure to smile but I did, well sorta did. when I got home I saw the mailman pull up to his house id to hurry to rush in, I barely caught my breathe. I felt scared when I finally locked the door this time, id to pretend I had a good day, cause my didn't feel an ounce of discomforted, it was still there? I felt nausea again am still on it, I had to eat something to fill my nerves but I felt unsettled.
I am STLL just realizing at 22, I do feel incomplete (even wth James)but I honestly that became very true I feel deep in my heart. Its a bad cycle that has happened in my family. I hope don't feel like this by end of my 20s. Cause I don't want be. I thought of my future marriage is big step. I don't think isn't gonna line up for me. It hasn't happened my family (long enough wth either argument or charges, divorce)so I see no grantee that ever happening to me! I know this to much well.
Only time you get to change your last name marriage. If your mot married you no choice to keep it, its so damn lame, specially if its NOT a good one, I know it to well. Or if you change because that person isn't good role model everybody has there reasons too....
(I wont know how I will feel in the next 24hrs, I hope pretend ill be okay for his sake I don't him to worry bout me, its his birthday tomorrow)