šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-10-07 07:56:04 (UTC)

Ain't Much Time To Write And There's A Tonne I Want To Write About...Edited Saturday morning.

I'm ill : chest rattle from a mixture of smoking and getting another chest cold. Tried huffing yesterday, for the second time in my life : SUCKS not interested. The first time sucked just as much. Doesn't do a thing for me. (How people can get high on that shit I've no idea.)

I've kept busy today. Busy with sobriety. Busy with my life as I find it @ present. There's so much I want to write but I'm not up to it tonight. It's 21:01. A quiet SOBER Friday night and I'm missing my little family, especially the grandchildren. Next weekend I'm off up north.

Met a former Facebook friend (male) yesterday when I was waiting for the bus home. It took him several hours of implicative talking to finally supply me with his name. I was kind of relieved that he finally did admit who he was. I took him home for a drinking buddy, foolish move. He stole from me two very important items : brand new earphones and my multi-device charger. He cunningly replaced my charger with his old one by putting it in the same place and position that I had left mine in. Of course I usually discover these things AFTER the guilty culprit has fled. I'm a kind-hearted FOOL who deserved to get screwed over by complete stranger I Facebook friended four years ago and haven't been a FB friend of for just over three.
This is what happened when I invited him back to mine to drink and shouted him the bus fare :-

*He huffed his way through three tubes of glue and a dozen small grocery bags to put the glue in (stolen glue).
*Landlord told me to be careful of who I invite here onto his property, then expressed his disapproval of said ex-FB "friend". (You see yesterday was the first day I have ever met him in person.) I took a crazy risk really.
* Told landlord B. that he'd be gone by 20:00 pm. FB "friend refused to go even though I kept telling him for a whole hour 20:00 - 21:00pm. I gave up.
*I started huffing with him when he offered it to me, then stopped because it did nothing for me.
*Once he got higher, he started play punching me and I told him to stop. It took several times of repeating myself before he got the message.
*He urinated all over the toilet seat and toilet floor several times which pissed me off.
*TMF came over and we got more alcohol of which he drank the most. Now I'm $100.00 in pledge debt to TMF.Fukk.
*Bossed me around twice to cook him food. We had dinner twice. (!)
*Crashed out on my single bed and snored very loudly.
*Text flirted with my daughter who's a married woman. I gave the okay to send her a friendly message. Not so...
(!FTS!)
*Spilt his RTD drinks several times on the carpet and instead of quickly righting the cans he just sat there and watched the drinks spreading across the floor and soaking into the carpet. Fucken little cunt ass. He just sat there and smiled. This is a perfect example of a 'dickhead, dipshit prick' if I ever saw one : ONE SORRY ASSED OFF-HIS-FACE IDIOT, who intentionally set out to trash my love and take full advantage of the love I had for him in the past. I've withdrawn my love for him now, he can get fucked. Little shit!
He's 28 years old, old enough to be my son, so anyone reading this who has any fucked-up ideas that there was any kind of sexual interaction is insanely misguided - fuck off, I'm safe. I hate being trashed and having my home trashed. Especially by those who say that they love and respect me.

...


Quite some list of carryings on. Don't want to write about this anymore. I'm sober today and I'm pleased. No cravings today just withdrawals. Medium strength withdrawals. A plus that they're not strongly chronic.
This has been the case in part with this present relapse of nearly five months now...relapse is getting dangerous for me now...it's scaring me...

There's so much more that I want to write. Not up to doing anymore. I've taken care of recovery work as well as used. This is not a good place to be. One foot in recovery and one foot outside recovery.
I've got too much at stake to lose...

Going to end now.





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