zoe

a step forward
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2016-10-03 10:27:07 (UTC)

lost

dear diary,
i don't know where i stand right now! things are so complicated, starting with my studies, i love what i'm studying, i mean it's GEOPHYSICS!! but life's giving me a hard time right now, i don't know what to feel about it, i work alone in the lab, no partner ... it's better that way, i learn by myself i need to stay a little bit far from people, i need to study harder cause i'm lost in studies, even in maths !!!!! i don't get it i used to be THE GEEK, now i feel empty.
Also, i need to tell you about my guy best friend whom i don't even know if he's still my best friend or like he said "you're not my best friend" maybe he's right, I've known him since high school we were both taken, now that we're both single, things changed i remember he told me "you're not my friend nor my best friend you're my other half" he already told me that he loved me, we have a very awkward relationship according to people but not to me, we're so comfortable even if things changed between us, we both know we have feelings for each other but i'm sure it's attachment and not love, i realized that not too long ago, my other best-friends/sisters (Ahlem and Melissa) told me that i should wait and see with time everything gets clear but i don't want to go out with him cause i don't want to lose him, he's the kind of best-friend i'd never find ever again in my life so we all know that once you become a couple there's no going back to how you were before, so i don't want to lose him cause i've already lost one whom i considered as my brother and i passed 3 days crying cause apparently distance teared us apart, i was so concentrated on my studies that i barely talked to him but when i tried to talk to him i felt that things changed and knew that he found another best-friend :/ who apparently could replace me :'( too bad :/ i thought we were bro-sis for life. so i'm not doing the same mistake of creating that distance and i'm not going out with him. when Melissa asked him about our weird relationship he told her that he has feelings for me but he wouldn't do anything to lose me including going out with me even if he wanted to.
it's good to know that him and i are on the same page :) we don't want to lose each other so we're in a free relationship XD we're together but also not together, it's the kind of relation ship where you know you got feelings for each other but won't do anything to lose the other because you're both too attached so we both get jealous we both get mad of each other he tells me he loves me from time to time not every day i still don't respond to him but he knows how i feel, so we still both get interested in other persons, so we're free but also in a weird relationshit.
NO!! it's not cool at all cause we're both too confused to be able to discuss things out and things are getting complicated the more we talk and the time passes by, we're lost.
My life is pretty much a wreck now, since i can't study nor do i know how to keep up with this weird relationship, and my friends number has really became a tiny number (4) but i'm okay with that. my familly are too busy with my sister's wedding which is on the 21st of this month so we're all too stressed and i just can't help it but feel lost since nothing is going well in my life right now even though it looks like it's totally normal what's happening to me but mentally i don't feel too healthy as i look on the outside :/
i have to go now see what to do with my studies find a solution,i'll try to study harder maybe just maybe i'll solve this one problem at least.
Dear reader, have a nice day! and if you're ever reading and you're also lost just don't give up instead try to solve your problems.


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