sft

A Subs Space... OVER 18!
2016-09-18 04:33:03 (UTC)

We spoke

i spoke to Master yesterday, after He emailed me asking about my last entry, saying it was me who wanted to *take a step back*.
i never really wanted to... just wanted He and lisa to meet, and play, and see what they both wanted. i don't think i made myself too clear with any of them, but now, i think they both kinda understand why i did and said what i did. i hope so anyway. Master said i could talk to lisa again, so i tried explaining properly to her too, and they both seemed to *get* me better after that, and lisa even said it was the right thing to do, and made her realise what she would and wouldn't settle for for herself. So although i feel happier that she feels happier about it, i still feel sad that it didn't work out for us all together, which was really what i wanted, but i couldn't just do *play* with them both... for me, it was all or nothing :(

Now, if they were *both* happy to play, i would be ok with it, but i knew that lisa wasn't satisfied with that. i knew she wanted more, because she told me so. And i felt like it was bad to play with her, knowing it may never lead to anything more :(

Anyway, like i said, Master and i spoke, and He has welcomed me back. i'm not sure if i will be punished or not for all this... probably so, but i was honest throughout, and i stand by everything i said and did, because i believe it was for the best for all of us, although i admit, i went about it in completely the wrong way :(

i should have spoken to Master first, instead of asking lisa how she felt, i suppose? He could have spoken to her better than i could, i guess :(

i have told Master i am free on Wednesday and Thursday next week, but so far He hasn't said anything about wanting to see me :(
i don't blame Him if He doesn't, but i miss Him so much! :(




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