theolor

MyDarknessLives
2016-09-16 18:26:10 (UTC)

Why do I feel this pain?

I just don't understand. I can't ever stop thinking about my former best friend, ever since I ended our friendship I have tried my very best to avoid him as much as possible but the one/two place I can never seem to get rid of him are my Head and my heart. I thought at this point that I'd be over it but I guess the pain of not being around the guy you knew since Kindergarten doesn't go away that easily. He plagues my dreams too making my insomnia worse, in my dreams he is not the prick that he usually was but the friend, the good guy, the "brother" I had known for so long. I just don't understand why this pain won't leave me, I just wish I had never met him. Honestly days like today when I feel this deep pain I wish he would contact me and apologize for everything but I know he won't. I hear from other friends that he is still the dick he has been for a while now and I know that he'd never change for the good. I knew him from K-2nd grade and then I re-met him in 6th and was best friends on and off until the beginning of August this year. I can honestly say that over time he changed for the worse and every time something happened I convinced myself I could change him and I did everything within my power to hold on to him but as someone pointed out he was a taker and I was a giver, I gave everything I had to that friendship and like a black hole he just sucked it all away.

One of the most painful parts was when I ended it and all he had to say was "lol ok" and "later", like it didn't even matter, like we hadn't known each other for so long, like I never meant anything to him. God dammit why do I have to suffer like this? Why must I feel so much pain in life? He burned his name in my heart and I cannot get it out!

Song -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVTXPUF4Oz4




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