LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2016-09-08 15:33:09 (UTC)

About My People


"Randy Described Eternity" by Built to Spill [reminds me of last September]

Every thousand years
This metal sphere
Ten times the size of Jupiter
Floats just a few yards past the earth
You climb on your roof
And take a swipe at it
With a single feather
Hit it once every thousand years
'Til you've worn it down
To the size of a pea
Yeah I'd say that's a long time
But it's only half a blink
In the place you're gonna be

Where you gonna be
Where will you spend eternity
I'm gonna be perfect from now on
I'm gonna be perfect starting now
Stop making that sound
Stop making that sound
I will say I forgot it
But it was only yesterday
And it's all you had to say

[Hi Randy – I'm trying to turn this year into an eternity. A limited eternity. The good kind. I don't know anything about forevers. Help, please]

September 8, 2016 Thursday 3:35 PM


I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT!!! Kind of :)

School started yesterday. NV SRWH – the school program I'm in – looks like love.

It's either in or right next to the SUNY pharmaceuticals building (it's a SUNY satellite building, meaning it isn't on the main campus of the SUNY I am sort of attending).

So like. The classroom is on the second floor. I've been there before, but I don't think I've ever properly described it: it's just a regular, square carpeted room with black resin counter lining three walls. There's metal cabinets interspersed underneath the countertops and spaces for chairs to be pushed in – these are our desks.

There's room for fifteen kids, but there's on thirteen of us this year. The other two had no way to travel to NV.

Each of our resin desk areas each have their own little light-thingy embedded in the countertop, I guess so we can trace shit if we have to?? Dunno.

Also we have swivel chairs people :) and laptops :) :) and SUNY IDs :) :) :) I now have two college IDs (I have an ID for my dad's institute) and I could have one from the community college too, since I think I might still be enrolled???

Ruth – the professor – says she's easing us into our work because we had a lot of summer homework and she wants to give us a break. I'm glad she thinks that summer work was a lot – I was worried it was actually supposed to be the easy part of the year haha.

Not that this year is going to be easy. It turns out we're taking some sophomore level classes (in college, I mean).

I'M SO EXCITED. WHAT THE FUCK.

LISTEN, THIS IS SO COOL. SO. COOL.

ALSO, I KNOW SOME STUFF! NOT A TON, BUT STILL THOUGH. I SORT OF ALREADY KNEW WHAT AN AUTOCLAVE IS, BECAUSE WORKING IN MY DAD'S LAB (I never used it myself, but I knew it was for sterilization) AND I JUST.... KNew some other stuff. It was. Nice.

NV is freedom. The freedom is scary, kind of, because I feel like sometimes I need a lot of guidance but it's nice to know Ruth is there if I have questions. Plus, other people.

I'm kind of on the boy's side of the room. It's alphabetical order (by last name), so I'm between a guy named Joe and another dude named Chris. Joe is pretty okay. I only talked to him a little. I like Chris. I don't know him very well, but I think he probably has a Very Good Brain.

I don't know people very well. I know it's only the second day but five of these kids are from the same school and That-One-Kid-From-School already knows Joe. Actually, okay: both their names are Joe. So there's that.

If that wasn't clear: that-one-kid-from-school is also called Joe. We have two Joe's in our class.

The Joe who sits next to me goes by his full name. First and last. The Joe from my school is just Joe. Sometimes people call him Average Joe. That was like twice, though.

I don't know. I sorta feel like I don't – won't – fit in with these people??? And I'm worried about that. I feel like it's possible I might just fall through the cracks here, socially.

God damn it.

At least Joe – wait, this'll get confused. I am going to call Joe-my-seat-neighbor.... Seat Neighbor.

Joe from school will just be Joe.

Joe is nice, I mean. The car rides have been not-that-awkward, which is cool. I wasn't expecting anything more so I'm not disappointed. Yesterday, we just talked about school.

The same with today, except he asked me a little about my hobby, art, and I asked him about his.

He said he likes sports a lot, basically, and that if he could, he'd be an announcer at basketball games. I thought that was cute haha. He's a very cool guy.

He might like Trump. I mean, I think he said that today. I do not understand how anyone can like him. Well – okay, I guess liking him is one thing, but wanting him to be president?

I don't knOW if Joe wants that. If he does, then I don't understand.

Point is, he's nice to me and he drives me back to school every day. He is interesting. I shall update you further on the subject as we move through the year. This diary will become a description of my new classmates, basically haha. Not that Joe is new – but we've never been friends.

Anyway. I'll tell you more about NV some other time. I'm excited.

----

I only take one class at my high school now haha. Computer programming 2, last period of the day. I wasn't in the first class, but the teacher wrote an email to my guidance counselor saying that if I was bright, I would do fine.

He ended the email with, "Sorry. I'm rambling"

He wasn't actually rambling.

That's a pretty good description for this dude as a teacher, though. Our class IS ONLY FIVE PEOPLE!!!

It's this girl I know from last year, another girl I am acquainted with, Lily (!!! I LOVE HER) and one of the known geniuses of our school.

Also me.

The known genius is also kind of an acquaintance of mine??? He's close to Adrian and he knows Liv. So yeah, lol.

I liked the class, anyway. The teacher-guy is someone I will describe in the future because he's one of those people I don't wanna forget. He reminds me of Mr. Washington in some ways.

Speaking of which – I saw him today! Man. I missed him.

After I get back to school, I have three-point-five periods – AKA around 150 minutes, or almost 2 hours – to fuck around. I have the last half of fifth free, lunch sixth, nothing seventh, nothing eighth, and then computer programming.

But Lunch Cru... is dead.

In case I have never defined it: Lunch Cru was last year's lunch gang. We hung out in Sandwich's classroom – he didn't have a class. It was me, Alexis, John, Lily, her boyfriend, Laney, Paul and sometimes Adrian.

NOw, Sandwich has a sixth period class and we can't eat in his room anymore.

Paul and John are GONE.

Laney goes to frickin' college for the second half of the day.

It's just – mmeughhh. I miss Laney. I miss John! I dunno about Paul. He wasn't around for like the last two months of school last year, but he bought me chocolate pretzels and a new copy of Donnie Darko!!! Aw, Paul. What a sweetie.

SO MANY THINGS HAVE CHANGED, THOUGH. GOD DAMN IT. Of course, though. Things change every year. Freshman year was all right. Sophomore year, I was not as enthusiastic about. Junior year's schedule was pretty fuckin' great. This year's schedule is the epitome of All Things Good.

I miss people, though. We eat lunch in Poo Tray's room now, and Isaac is there (!!!) but still though, it's kind of sad.

I REALLY MISSED ISAAC THOUGH. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIM A LOT THESE PAST COUPLE WEEKS. HE BOUGHT SOME MICRON PENS AND HIS CARTOONING IS EVEN BETTER AND – HE'S GOING TO BE FAMOUS ONE DAY AND I WILL HAVE KNOWN HIM.

HE'S SO COOL AND PRETTY. I don't think we'll be friends after high school ends for me.

I regret that already.

Adrian is still Adrian and I love him. Alexis is still Alexis and I love her too. Liv is basically just love, so yeah.

Today was a good day.

I spend my free periods in Sandwich's room. It's nice and cool in there, so I can study, and it's just... nice. I missed Sandwich.

I missed everyone and everything and I already miss it in advance for my eighteen year old self.

I want to make this year last forever.

It's exciting – things are uncertain and changing but I'm, like. In the prime of my life or something. Maybe that's supposed to be your thirties. Anyway, I feel like I'm at a peak. Maybe there will be another peak. Maybe I will keep peaking! Which would mean I am not at a peak right now, but...

Point is, I feel good and happy and people can tell and I want to eat them, I love them so much, I want to absorb them, digest them – but I don't want Kuru, so I won't do that.


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