Back to myself
Ok I am back where I started on my own. M has gone cold Turkey again and to be honest I have had enough. Unlike my ex I can see some rational in her action even if I may not agree with how she has gone about it. I believe she is reluctant to enter a full blown relationship with me for some reason. I don’t know what. It could be a timing thing as she is still nursing her bruised heart from an earlier relationship after her divorce, it could be that she doesn’t think she loves me enough etc. Her kids adore me and I love spending time with her and the two kids. I will truly miss that but I have learnt how to cope. I detected reluctance in her a while back so I had started building my defense mechanism so as not to suffer any rejection heartache. I have done this well. I concentrate on what I can control, do things I enjoy doing (eg play football), concentrate on learning (especially at work), setting myself small achievable targets, looking inwards, creating feel good factor inside me, praying etc
Considering I was so fond of her I am copying very well by deploying the above – I will never let my heart be so burnt the way it was during my separationdivorce (no one is worth that). Most importantly I pray.
How I feel now, I am not looking for any relationships for now, just concentrating on being me and I just enjoying casual liaisons. For some strange reason I am warming to the idea of having ½ kids again!! If I fall in love in the near future and my future partner agrees why not! I dream of having a boy and teaching him and training him to be a very good footballer!