Tony's ramblings
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2016-09-01 19:16:59 (UTC)

Next Couple Days ??? .......

One of the things I know is a flaw of mine is i don't wanna call it an obsession but knowing what the future holds trying to control my life as much as i can even tho I know its futile honestly. Within the next couple days I go back to "School" working on a personal trainer certification and to be honest I know I want this and have wanted it for awhile now but if I'm legitimately honest with myself im terrified of it because of the salesmanship required in it and my lack of success I've had with a previous sales job . Also my biggest thing is it makes my body my physique a calling card for me which raises the question If I'm not even happy with how I look day in an day out how in the hell am I supposed to be able to expect others to want to work with me. I look in the mirror and just see the negatives I bust my ass day in an day out and am still nowhere close to where I want to be physique wise ...... People tell me i look good but in all honesty all I see is how far I need to go vs how much I've already done . nothing's been bought an pai for yet course wise so no plunge has been taken yet but knowing tomorrow is the day where I'll have to make the choice whether to pursue this or not honestly it scares the hell outta me . So many what if' which even tho I know it doesnt help I cant help but focus on it ...... what if i do this an dont even pass what if I get the certification and cant get or hold clients what if what if what if ...... I'm psyching myself out and overly nervous about all of it and I've yet to even begin ...... honestly i feel like a scared kid right now just hoping someone will tell me what to do here because I am utterly petrified to fail here .......

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