Snuffy

Danielito
2016-08-31 23:55:24 (UTC)

Anxiety

I've been feeling very inadequate lately. This job of mine is causing me such insecurity. It's because I'm surrounded by guys who are experts at what they do. They all have a ton of experience and I have none. They are motocross guys. I'm not. I feel like I don't belong here. These guys love motocross and so they got jobs at a bike shop. It makes sense. But I'm a fish out of water. I should be a music teacher, or working at a music store, or something.
Being around someone like Gary who is super confident and amazing at what he does, makes me so insecure and unsure of myself. I'm trying to learn from him but I worry I'll never be like him because I'm so different from him. I'm always worrying that I'm not cutout for this. If it was something I really wanted, it would be easier to tell myself: just stick with it, you can do this. But I don't dream of being a great F&I guy. I'm not sure it's what I want to do at all. But as I've mentioned before, I'm here because of inspiration. I know God has a purpose in me being here, but have I fulfilled that purpose already and is it time for me to move on? Or is this the career God wants me to have because He knows I'll be happy once I get comfortable?

I know there is a way to find out: revelation.

I suck at that.

But I am making better money now and that's a relief. But I still think that a career needs to be somewhat fulfilling. If I was making good money and it was to pay for trips and fun things with my spouse and kids it'd be better. But the way things are now... It's just depressing to think about. I know I can still plan fun things with London but that's not the same as sharing your interests with another adult of the opposite sex. My interests are not London's. She's 8. And I'm not making good money either. I'm finally not poor.

I need to go back to see Eric. I'm having stressful dreams again, too, along with having anxiety about my career and success and all that dumb crap. It doesn't help that I'm getting nowhere in the dating department. It's hard not to look at yourself negatively when girls don't write back on dating sites. It's hard not to be hard on yourself when everyone else is with someone and you're alone.

So yeah, I need to go back and see Eric.




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