šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-08-10 13:07:34 (UTC)

A Tragedy Plus A Wonderful Recovery Day.

I've done five twelve step meetings in five days an absolute miracle. I have gained a beautiful old timer sponsor tonight and achieved a fair amount of recovery ground yet I've consumed two bottles of wine to boot.
The reason being is that I doubled up my medication last Thursday to get through the FGC review meeting with Child Youth and Family. After the meeting was verbally closed and on an emotionally charged ending note I caused quite a scene because I totally dislike the social worker and told him so to his fucken face and then some.

I'm also in a moderate state of trauma over a recent event that has left our small community reeling in a state of shock. A local farmer was denied a further bank loan on his farm and was told by his creditors to downsize his dairy herd by one hundred cows so he shot one hundred cows and then himself. I passed by the funeral on my weekly day out in town and was more than touched with compassion for his grieving family that I saw there that day. Please John Keys don't let this happen again. The dairy industry is a crucial part of New Zealand culture and way of life. I've witnessed one other horrific dairy scene in my ten years working in this area with the dairy industry and that also impacted on my mental health. Horrific shit. No details for that incident.

What does it take for a seasoned farmer to take such extreme action? A lot I would imagine. A tragedy. Who would (out of his neighbours) have heard the shootings? It would have taken him at least an hour or more to complete his task. Did he time it so that his family were spared? I don't know however I would like to think so.

Rest in peace beautiful man for I witnessed your funeral. I was meant to. The beautiful voice I hear every day of my life said to me that as you performed your final task on earth that you constantly heard a gentle and loving voice : "Son, it's time to come home."
I lieth not. This is a moment I can handle and cope with. "Son, come home. It's time."
How horrific. How tragic, how sad yet how beautiful. It was his time to go. I saw the funeral. In respect I crossed the street and quietly watched the proceedings.

May this never happen again.
Heavenly Father loves him and his grieving family members. I saw you all.
Your father is at peace and happy.

Support group was awesome yesterday. I found out that a past "friend" who was looking after her aged mother was hitting and abusing her in front of a fellow psychiatric survivor. I used to work for this "friend" who brought her aged mother round to meet me. Stupid fucken bitch making it look like everything was fine with her looking after her aged mother. My fellow psychiatric survivor worked for her too and witnessed her physically and psychologically abusimg her aged mother and informed the authorities. Take that you bitch. I gardened for her and hated the way she treated me.
Karma has a way of exacting it's own. Hate the bitch : Robin Duncan Te Awamutu. David Sinclair Te Awamutu who sexually assaulted me when I was mentally unwell ; he was my landlord 4 13 years. Made my life hell he did, then he assaulted me over rent I owed him. Robin Duncan owns rental property too. Revenue mongers and abusers. Shun them.

I've enjoyed my wine, gaining a sponsor and finalizing my upcoming awesome weekend. Enjoyed mh support group immensely today. Kudos to you *name deleted* our beautiful lived experience facilitator. You're so brave to drive on a snow strewn road today in order to support us all.

Love, light and blessings Amanda-Jane.




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