Cheese

Story of a Girl
2016-08-07 15:46:43 (UTC)

Why

My stomach is churning so bad.

My memory is so bad. All I know is that my mom came home around 2:30 in the morning and the kids were crying. Her husband didn't come home with her, so I automatically assumed they were fighting and I wasn't wrong. She went into her room, I played around with the baby, and she kindly kicked me out by telling me she wanted to sleep. It was 3:30AM, I woke up to find her husband in my room, talking to Briana. It was obvious he was drunk, and he was talking in whispers, so I couldn't hear anything that was going on but I remember that he was telling Briana to follow him because he wanted to tell her something and she kept refusing. "I don't want to, please leave me alone." and the "that's not my problem, you two work it out." He also mentioned something about my mom and a door. I honestly can't remember. He'd keep coming in and out, leaving the door open. I wanted to call the police before anything got out of hand, but I didn't. I was pretending to be asleep the entire time. It was around 4AM and he was in the kitchen cooking. He had jazz music playing and his cooking was awfully loud. He then went into my mom's room, watched television with the volume up, and then went to asleep around 4:30AM. When I woke up today, he was gone. My mom was pissed off with the kids but the bad aura has been all over this house. The padrino came a few hours ago, then followed by his girlfriend. They're talking in the kitchen right now and my door is open so I'm eavesdropping. From what I understand, he came home last night and wanted my sister to either have sex with him or suck him off.

I am SO fucking disgusted. And his excuse? "I don't remember anything."

I'M SO DISGUSTED.

5 fucking years. I've held five fucking years of hatred for him. Since the day they married. I've never liked him. I've witnessed almost every fight of theirs. I've had to call the police every time that they fought. He's threatened to hit me on occasions whenever I attempted to defend my mother. Elías and him have physically attacked each other on multiple occasions. My mom has threatened so many times to file for a divorce. Is she going to seriously consider divorce this time? Are these documents really worth him staying in our home?

I've said it so many times, but I'll say it again: we were better off without him.

If my dad knew what was going on, he'd murder this man in an instant. Elías and him both. 4:44PM, the padrino is calling the police and they're all raising their voices. And the sad thing is, my younger siblings are trying to get their father's attention. Briana locked herself in the bathroom for like five minutes and I'm pretty sure she was crying.

I have chills all over my body. I've never felt so endangered in my life.


Update:

So it's 5:12pm, the padrino is head on arguing with my mom's husband. They have yet to start physically attacking each other but I hope it doesn't get to that point. Though, they continue to raise their voices. I still don't understand what exactly it was that he told Briana and as curious as I am, I'm refusing to ask her anything. He's stated on and off that he does remember, that he doesn't remember, and I honestly just don't care anymore. I just want him out of the house. My mom doesn't necessarily have a stable job, so if he does leave, I'll be concerned about our financial state. My dad has also mentioned wanting to find me a job to distract me from my "mental issues" so I think I'll take him up on that. My upcoming school schedule is mostly AP, with 5 out of my 7 classes being AP. My dad has yet to re-register me at school but we're going to the school tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't lose my schedule. This schedule has all the classes I want and I desperately want these classes, but if my mom will end up needing me to find a job, I'll gladly drop a few of my AP classes so that I'm not too overwhelmed. Of course, I'm just assuming this will happen. They're still arguing. I just want this man to leave and never come back.

5:23PM, my dad called to let me know he was going to pick us up tomorrow at 9AM so we can go to the school. He also wants me to make a phone call to someone who is interested in buying the car we're selling. I seriously get so anxious whenever I have to talk to someone over the phone. My dad knows I hate this so I don't understand why he always picks on me to make calls. I mean, I understand why, but I hate that it's always me. I don't really know what's going on but everything in the living room just got quiet and all I hear is the sound of keys rattling. They were "discussing" who gets the keys, how my mom will pay rent, all that shit. This has honestly been one of their friendliest fights yet, but that's probably because the padrino is here. It still hasn't taken away this churning feeling in my stomach. It reminds me an awful lot of the fights my parents had from my childhood, though. Like, all my sisters are locked away here in my room while my mom and everyone else argue outside. Meanwhile, we're listening to everything going on. I have the baby sleeping right beside me on my bed, Taz is sleeping at the end of my bed, and Bella's sleeping on my thigh. The kids are all running around in the living room, and Briana, Betty, and Lizzy are all just on their iPods. I think he left, though. I heard the front door close. Honestly, when will my mom call it quits? When will the time come, where I don't feel endangered in my own home? A few weeks into their marriage and they already had issues. I understand that all couples have issues, but, their marriage was not meant to be. Neither of them take responsibility for their actions.

Despite everything that's happened, I still want to laugh in my mom's face. She said I could never have a stable relationship with anyone because of how two-faced I am. I have such an ugly personality (probably "inherited" from her) but really, I'm not the one who was struggling to keep her relationship alive. 5 years with El and we're still the same goofballs who enjoy bouncy castles, despite us both being teenagers. Like, I was fucking 11 years old and he was 13 when we started dating. How often do you find relationships at that age that go on to last for five years? Yet here we are, I just turned 17 in July and he's turning 19 in late December. And we're still going strong. How is it that a bunch of teenagers work out their problems better than two adults in their 30s/40s? I seriously want my mother to answer me that. Maybe my relationship might not last another year or two, but at least we know how to compromise. Mini rant over, it helped me clear my mind. They disconnected the internet as well so now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do for the next two days that I'm here. Everything I do is online and I don't want to use my cellphone data. I did buy some books in June, though, so I guess I could always begin to read them. That is, if I haven't forgotten how to read, hahah.





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