LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2016-08-03 19:18:20 (UTC)

Random Assortment - July 2016


August 3, 2016 Wednesday 7:18 PM

Maybe I will write actual stuff in this but first:


That'll Be The Day by Modest Mouse (cover of Buddy Holly)

Broken Chairs by Built To Spill (thEY'RE PLAYING WITH HOP ALONG IN MASSACHUSETTS IN OCTOber??? I'm mad – I can't go. It's even a small venue. Damn... )

Horseshoe Crabs by Hop Along

Peace and Quiet by Waxahatchee

Bathtub by Waxahatchee

Cocaine by Holy Moly

Well-dressed by Hop Along

Waitress by Hop Along

Ocean Breathes Salty (earlier version) by Modest Mouse

At My Window, Sad & Lonely by Billy Bragg & Wilco

Atrophy by The Antlers

Dandelion by Kacey Musgraves

One Great City! by The Weakerthans

I Felt Free (acoustic) by Circa Survive

Claudio Arrau Beethoven "Appassionata"

Sunspots in the House of the Late Scapegoat by Modest Mouse

Hey Good Lookin' by Blonde Tongues

One Sunday Morning by Wilco

Moonage Daydream by David Bowie

Company Calls Epilogue by Death Cab For Cutie

Ballad of Big Nothing by Elliot Smith

(Chopin) Nocturne No. 2 in E flat, Op. 9-2, CT 109 played by Claudio Arrau

(Chopin) Nocturne No. 3 in B, Op.9-3, CT 110 played by Claudio Arrau

(Chopin) Nocturne No. 1 in B flat minor, Op. 9-1, CT 108 played by Claudio Arrau

Unwritable Girl by Gregory Alan Isakov

Slow It Down by The Lumineers

Steal Compass by Set Fire To Flames

Mimicking Birds (Full Album) by Mimicking Birds

Home and Somewhere Else by Mimicking Birds

Eons (Full Album) by Mimicking Birds

Strangers to Ourselves (Full Album) by Modest Mouse

Relatively Easy by Jason Isbell

Mimicking Birds Full Daytrotter Session II

Pixels by Mimicking Birds

Cabin Fever by Mimicking Birds

Pups to Dust by Modest Mouse

-------


Update on my life:

Eh. Not much to say really. My grandparents left very early this morning.

My grandma grabbed me by the shoulders and said, "Never forget. You are a child of God!" and then she added, after she had let go, "And you always WILL be a child of God!"

I was tired. It was three in the morning and I had slept maybe twenty minutes before all the hustlin' woke me up again. So I just said, "Okay."

I probably did not sound very sincere, but well. Telling me I'm a child of God – it means pretty much nothing to me. I wonder if she knows I'm... not a believer. I don't really call myself an athiest, mostly because I'm not sure what kind of associations are made with the word other than the whole not-believing-in-God thing.

But whatever.

Today was sunny for the first time in like four days! We got, like, flood warnings the day before, the rain was so bad.

But it stopped and today it was in the mid-seventies, very sunny out, lots of breeze and not too humid. Usually it's very humid.

After class, I went to my dad's lab, but he was out to lunch so I took some of my homework ("Paul's Case" by Willa Cather – it was really depressing, and really disturbing. Some parts, I could relate to deeply, but other bits were just sort of. Really, really sad. Will Cather wants to gut you all)

Ah! Took some homework and went outside. I sat under a tree for a little more than an hour, just readin'. Adrian called me, asking if I wanted to hang out, but I declined. I'm going to have to decline people a lot from now on.

I knew there was gonna be sacrifice. I just feel bad. These people will think I don't care, but I'm pretty sure I do. I'm just very determined to... Not be a limp nothing. I've had this idea for a very long time that I will not go anywhere particularly special. What I mean is, I won't grow up to be some kind of genius in whatever field I choose. I will be very average. And, I don't know. This idea just makes me feel inadequate and I think I'm trying to compensate.

Like John said. Only he was joking and he said I was trying to compensate for having a sister that is prettier and smarter than I am. Which, yes, but it's not that. I've got my own ideas to beat down.

But anyway. Shit. Boring.

In dad's lab, I packed tips for like.... an hour, maybe more (I kept thinking, "Just the tip... heh... god damn it"). I felt so sleepy by the time I was done. It's such a monotonous job. I can't tell if I hate it or love it, because by the last couple boxes I was doing some really weird shit to keep myself from getting bored, but I didn't exactly feel compelled to stop.

Dad's lab is so quiet. There's a rhythm to it, very faint. That machine in the corner that is constantly tipping back and forth, so as to keep the liquid in a petri dish in constant motion... And, shit, I don't know. There were other sounds, but I couldn't pinpoint all their sources.

I feel very stressed. I can tell I feel stressed because I don't actually feel much of anything when I think about all that I have to do and I can't fall asleep quickly anymore. I start preparing for the next day and then my heart beats way too hard to keep my eyes closed for very long.

It's unpleasant.

And I can't get myself to do much. Right now, I'm procrastinating. Shit. Bye.



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