Jake 🇺🇸

Killing Lions
2016-07-22 23:00:42 (UTC)

I was pepper sprayed --

I literally have ZERO interest in studying. My test is coming up relatively soon and I just don't care anymore. I can't concentrate for more than maybe 15 minutes.

I need to get out more. I've been stuck in my anxiety. I'm too anxious to get out with friends or do anything out of my comfort zone. My work had a barbecue yesterday. I could have met tons of new people and networked. But no, no interest at all. I don't really feel lonely, I guess I've just been so emotionless lately. It's no fun. Last night I hung out with two of my friends and it was such a relief.

I don't know what to do right now.

But anyway, I remember my first semester (last fall) in grad school. I didn't have any friends and I got terribly lonely. Also, all of my classes were 100% male. My office was like 95% male. I think the extended period of not interacting with the opposite gender really got to me. I would flirt with pretty much any girl if i could.

One time my old undergraduate university called me asking for a donation to the honors program. I remember that evening I was grading quizzes late and I was bored out of my mind. I was sooo happy to talk to a female. Her voice sounded so attractive lol. The conversation quickly went casual. I asked her if she was a student:
Her: "yeah, I'm a junior here at **U"
Me: "wow, you're halfway then! So are you working with the honors program?"
Her: "Yup!"
Me: "So do you enjoy calling people up on the phone and asking them for donations?"
Her: "Well not really but you're definitely the friendliest person I've talked with so far!

We continued the conversation for quite awhile. I remember teasing her about hating her job. I think eventually she was like:
"Yeah haha, some of my coworkers are starting to give me questionable looks; I probably should go."
Me: "OMG no, we're having such a fun time!!"

*sigh* Good memories. I love flirting with girls.

Speaking of girls, I'm still single. I have such a hard time making actual relationships. I think most girls find me attractive, flirting for me has always been relatively easy. Last week I was playing volleyball with an older friend. His younger sister happened to show up; super cute. We both had never met though it was pretty obvious that she was into me. We had tons of fun on the court playing together. It's times like this that I wish I was better at making relationships. Anyway, after we played my friend decided it would be a great idea to have one of the girls pepper spray him. I wanted the experience and wanted to be 'tough' so of course I was like "yes please!! Sounds like fun!" Here's my testimony:

Pepper spray REALLY is painful.

She sprayed it directly into my face... wow, THE SHOCK!!! I've never been in that much pain. My first reaction (and I didn't even realize I was doing this until I later watched the video) was turn my back to her and then just... getting on my knees. By far the worst part is the eyes. With all that spice in your eyes there's nothing you can do. It felt like my eyes were literally boiling. I remember being terrified of even trying to open them. I kept them clamped shut. But yeah, the pain in my eyes was so bad. Also, the shock was so great that I couldn't breathe for a few seconds.

After awhile of everyone, especially the girls, laughing at our stupidity they realized that we were actually in a considerable amount of pain. After the initial shock of the painful spray the pepper started to get hotter and hotter on the skin. I think after about 30 minutes in, my chest, arms and calves were on fire. Luckily we had a lot of support. They led us, completely blind, to their car. Once I was at their house we just soaked our face in milk for about an hour. By the second hour we were fine.

What a crazy experience!

I'll never forget the pain, omg the pain. I'm so glad I had that bowl of milk though. Without that, it would have been far worse. I can't imagine what it would be like for those who didn't have that support.

But yeah, it'll be a crazy story for me to tell. I thought it was funny how the other volleyball players reacted. Everyone was just laughing and taking pictures of us... My friends sister slightly peed her pants lol, too funny to watch a bunch of idiots in pain *sigh* oh well

I'm REALLY glad that i had that experience though. I know what to do if somebody gets pepper sprayed. I've really gained a lot of knowledge in what pain is. If I get pepper sprayed again I'll know what to do -- as soon as possible wash the pepper spray off your face while its wet and before it really starts to get bad. Then soak your eyes in milk for an hour or so all while trying to blink to produce tears.

Well, i'm gonna try to keep studying. There's a practice test I'm taking next week so i want to go over at least 30-40 problems before then. I REALLY hope i pass. If I fail I get another chance, though i just don't want to live like this next summer: Anxiety, no evenings, no social stuff




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