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2016-07-02 20:17:42 (UTC)

Sad Face Emoticons

"Relatively Easy" by Jason Isbell

Are you having a long day
Everyone you meet rubs you the wrong way
Dirty city streets smell like an ashtray
Morning bells are ringing in your ear

Is your brother on a church kick
Seems like just a different kind of dope sick
Better off to teach a dog a card trick
And try to have a point and make it clear

You should know compared
To people on a global scale
Our kind has had it relatively easy
And here with you there's always
Something to look forward to
Our angry heart beats relatively easy

I lost a good friend
Christmas time when folks go off the deep end
His woman took the kids and he took klonopin
Enough to kill a man of twice his size

Not for me to understand
Remember him when he was still a proud man
A vandals smile a baseball in his right hand
Nothing but the blue sky in his eye

Still compared to those
A stones throw away from you
Our lives have both been relatively easy
Take the(a) year and make a break
There ain't that much at stake
The answers could be relatively easy

Watch that lucky man walk to work again
He may not have a friend left in the world
See him walking home again to sleep alone
Or step into a shop to buy a postcard for a girl

I broke the law boys
Shooting out the windows of my loft boys
When they picked me up I made a big noise
Everything to blame except my mind

I should say I keep your picture with me everyday
The evenings now are relatively easy
Here with you there's always
Something to look forward to
My lonely heart beats relatively easy
My lonely heart beats relatively easy

July 2, 2016 Saturday 8:29 PM

Let's see.

It's quiet, and my house is dark. The sun has almost set, but it always happens slow and no one bothered to turn on the lights.

Elie Wiesel died. A sort-of friend, one of those people I've mentioned – the ones I won't speak to after high school – texted me with this news. I like her very much, and thought more about how to reply than I did about the content of the message itself.

I probably said something like, "Aww that sucks," and I think I mentioned that it feels like so many people are dying lately.

There were sad-face emoticons involved.

I'm sort of. Fascinated by this custom. Can I call it a custom? It feels like a custom. People die and you text your friends and they say, "Oh, that sucks *sad face*" or they tell /you/ and you do the same.

Not many people are actually all that sad, though. I don't know why we tell each other. I guess it's just nice to know. It's not boring. And I get stuck wondering about these people, sometimes, when it doesn't make my heart hurt.

Like, I'm still thinking about that kid (who turned out to be sixteen, not seventeen) who died at the gorge on. Was it Tuesday? June 28th.

I'm very tired.


Get washed.


Okay: so the day went like this.

Okay wait, I don't actually feel like describing it. I cleaned a lot. I have a hiding spot in my room that I have not used for ages, and I found a little heart-shaped box with at least 2000 milligrams of medication inside it. I'm not really sure what to do with it. I hoarded those back when I thought I'd need an escape route.

Dumb, dumb, dumb old self. No, wait, old self. You're not dumb. You're just. Oh, I don't know. I don't understand you anymore. My eyes are forward.

Oh yayyy!!! The pizza is here!!! My mom was mad 'cause I tipped 20% and she said that the total was too much, but then later she was all, "It's okay, though. You're just like your Mami. If I were rich, I'd give money away all the time," and I know this to be true. My momma is careful with money but she's always giving, giving, giving, in one way or another. It's just the way she's always been.

(The pizza dudes delivered our order really fast though. Mom said it's cause of the tip)

I don't know if I'm like her. I'm very, very flattered that she said that, though.

Okay. I'ma go eat pizza, and then figure out why Adrian got drunk last night. I imagine him to be Holden Caulfield. Stumbling around, clutching his gut, sort of confused because he can't figure out what he's feeling and he needs some way to express it.

"It's stupid," said Adrian. I dunno, we'll see.

I'ma go eat pizza 'cause mom is yelling about it. She's always yelling at me to eat, haha, I swear. Pretty much always when I'm writing too.

Life is really good. People are dead. I hope the people they left behind are okay. I feel good, though. My heart isn't beating too fast or anything. It's normal and there's pizza and this is a beautiful day.