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2016-07-01 13:00:15 (UTC)

It Slips

"Bloodlines" by Mimicking Birds

I will protect your shadow even though when it's dark it slips
I'll clean your window, make you look out and see scenery
I am a stranger, shouldn't talk to myself in times of rearrangement or even in good mental health
And on the other side soon they'll side with their family who hides from all the evil within their own bloodline
But you fly a different kite hovering over their heads so high
I will tie your lasso, can't you make a knot slip?
I'll ask your ghost if he can remember me
Cause I am a creature of mixed up energies in times of restraint living in captivity
And on the other side more mountains slide away from their fault lines and taper into new shorelines
Sliding down the timeline, pulling the nerves up through your spine
Veering off to the side sometimes when you lose sight of that line
Guided by the same light holding all of our heads up so high

July 1, 2016 Friday 1:05 PM

I feel really strange and unpleasant today. Maybe it's 'cause I woke up at noon. I dunno.

I just. Don't wanna do anything. Not even sure I wanna write, but it's the only thing that doesn't feel forced right now.

I had a couple nightmares last night, which is not a surprise. I couldn't really sleep, as I was too busy thinking about everything I have to do. My heart was beating very hard.

So yes: anxiety = nightmares. Yayyy.

The first one had to do with all this terrorist-related death that has been happening. I was at a giant party on the roof of this building. I guess I was one of the guard-chaperone things, 'cause someone who gave off a boss-vibe was telling me about all the things I had to stop party-goers from doing.

He then pointed to some kids (and I mean like eight year olds) chillin' on the balcony. Only, they were outside the railings, on this half-a-foot wide ledge. He was like, "Hey, kids, stop that."

One kid looked up. I recognized him as being my age. In reality, I mean. He goes to my high school, and also went to my elementary school (he lives like a block away). Only he looked like he did Back In The Day or whatever.

"Kid stop that, you're gonna fall." He did a flip on the ledge, then glared at us and proceeded to pull out a little knife. So. There begins the terrorism.

I'm not actually sure anyone died, because next thing I knew, I was shivering, wrapped in blankets on the floor of some grand-looking palace room. There were some injured people whimpering somewhere else on the floor. Teddy Bear and Birdy both came into the room to ask the anesthesiologist (he was tending to the wounded I guess) something, I guess? But he was. Busy.

He tried giving me morphine. I was resisting, like no, I don't need morphine, I'm fine, but he kept – stabbing at me. (Morphine was for some reason a green fluorescent liquid)

I started screaming so Birdy pulled him off me, but some of the Morphine got into my mouth; I started to fall asleep. He was, like. Trying to comfort me, as I was hysterical (ugh) and then I sort of just fell unconscious without questioning his shirtless-ness (Birdy's, I mean)(my face was on the shirtless chest and it was super-weird. not unpleasant but just. really self? really?).

Next dream was just. My whole town was in an ice age type thing, only it was very normal and nothing seemed wrong, except we weren't supposed to go in the woods (which had grown up to my backyard). My friend started to go in there, and a wild hog started chasing us along with this hunched blonde kid.

They were, like. Attacking us. Soooo the rest of my dream was basically Liv, Lily, Laney (so many L's) and I hiding out in my house. I'd occasionally beat up the hunched blonde kid who claimed we did something terrible by going into the woods I guess.

Beating him up was hard. I felt so weak, constantly. But I'd win, so. The hog turned into a creepy little kid, by the way. He kept trying to sweet-talk us into unlocking the doors.

SO. I don't know. "Nightmares." Not really. Just bizarre, negative dreams. They were entertaining.

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