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2016-06-29 22:56:34 (UTC)


"Memorabilia" by Mimicking Birds

Sightless seeking you, some won't follow you nor follow through
And it happened like lightning with me the enemy a tall tree standing way up high in the open
Since then I quit climbing, now I just run down and drip into the center of it
I leave up for you, I'll leave it up, all of it up to you
Cause the buoyancy is descending, and density floats like a helium balloon you let go
I'll go on remembering what a hypocrite I am when I wake up in the tree receiving it down for you
I'll reach up and grab anything for you
Cause the separation is stressful and you're weak in the knees sneezing, immunity is slipping
I'll breathe one whole chestful of blood and into your heart I'll live forever helping the beat
I'll help your blood beat and I'll push and pump more of it to your feet
And we'll make more memorabilia and new souvenirs with old tools from foreign pioneers
Who brought over their diphtheria, and dipped into their heads for theories of god and it's preservation
He will preserve you, formaldehyde, pickle, and can you
Can you not trust your inner compass enough not to press on?
Can you not trust any reassurance, what's left is forgotten

June 29, 2016 Wednesday 11:00 PM

I have to peeee.


Today: worked in my dad's lab. I'm. Vaguely sleepy.

Um. So. I was only there a couple hours, cleaning beakers and all that. His lab was surprisingly disorganized. Like. There was virtually no counter space. There were centrifuges (of varying sizes), a microwave labeled NO FOOD and a fridge with the same thing.. a convection oven, a hazardous waste cabinet-thing with a bunch of half-full bottles and things in it. The sink was full of beakers and a huge glass graduated cylinder, erlenmeyer flasks, all the science-y stuff. Bottles with caps.

My dad was showing me this pipette thing. It's not like the mini turkey baster thing we use in school. The pipette itself came in varying sizes, all of them real tiny, and you attach it to this device with a button on it that can measure extremely small droplet sizes or something.

There were several of these, and my dad told me that each of them cost a couple hundred dollars (!!). So holy shit.

Boxes everywhere, some trash bags (one with a hazardous waste sign on it – fucking cool), trash cans, soooooo many plastic boxes of different colors and sizes holding weird stuff... Test tubes (plastic), some machine that had to do with electrophoresis???

There was just. A lot. EVERYWHERE.

My dad seemed kinda lost in the lab. He's told me before that he spends most of the day in his office while the people who work under him hang out in the lab. Or something. I've seen him working on computerized 3D models of proteins (my dad, like a realllllllllyyy long time ago – I'm talking years – was explaining this process to me once. He said some people need special glasses in order to look at the diagrams he spent much of the time experimenting with. He never wears anything like that, though. Taught himself to see the model correctly without it??? I think maybe it's a Magic Eye type of thing – which, for those of you who don't know, are those posters that look like Nothing until you unfocus your eyes in just the right way).

Yeah, so. The lab was messy. Still, though. Cool.

I met some of my dad's... people? I dunno. I'm not sure if they're graduate students or. Or whatever else.

Okay. Boring paragraphs cataloguing my day: over.


Yo, so. I met my piano teacher's dog yesterday. I get to dog sit him in August and he looks like a beautiful, sugar-y mass of orea-caramel ice cream. If ice cream could grow fur. And was warm. And licked my legs.

I shall be, this week, teaching myself to play the second movement of Moonlight Sonata and Mozart's Rondo Alla Turca.


???? My parents bought a new car. It's, like. A NICE car. My dad is really excited about it. It's a hybrid that primarily uses electricity, and global warming is pretty much the reason he bikes everywhere, so. Electric car = good.

Also: I got my permit. It should be in the mail sometime next week. I'm still very stressed out by the fact that I have to wait six months to get my license. Safety, I know, I know, but like. I don't know. I'm a very cautious person. I feel like I could be trusted after three months of driving. Is it naive or something – for me to think that? I'm a naturally careful person is all.

Buuuutttt anyway. Gotta wait, as it's the stupid law to do so. Gosh dang it. Should probably sign up for a 5-hour.

God this entry is so dull but. I'm writing it anyway.


Ahhhh I'm gonna tear out my hair. My brain feels. Dead.

I started my summer homework. I've read about a chapter of Genome: The Autobiography of a Species in 23 Chapters. Woot?

It's kind of really cool but, like last year's history textbook, it's active reading. Especially since I have to take notes and fill out a study guide whilst reading. This makes reading about 5x slower. The first chapter the work for it took around two hours, maybe a bit more.

After that, I have another two books to read (plus activities that go along with that) and one of my summer assignments is to write a draft of my college essay so.

Fuck everything! Just kidding, it's all fine. All fine. Growing up is. So cool. Yes...

God damn it.

Seriously, though – this whole thing I'm doing. The program. Is really fucking cool.

I'm just holding onto something old.

I should probably just give into the inevitable. Birth, childhood, adolescence, and whatever comes after all the way to death.

Yes. Do that, self. Stop... curling your fingers around imaginary things, like you always do, with people and places, ideas, memories. Just. They're not real. This is real. It's dull, the colors aren't great, but it's real.

"Real" may or may not be overrated.

Is it impossible – to live in both of my worlds at once?

I want to. Not sure if I can. Hmm.

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