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2016-06-15 21:46:20 (UTC)


"Florida" by Modest Mouse [this is a good month for music]

I wasn't always cargo

I guess I'll pack up my mind
It took so much effort
Not to make an effort
Oh, what a flawless design
Couldn't quite seem to escape myself
Far enough, far enough
Far from Florida
We were all drowning in cruise control
Far enough, far enough
Wasn't far enough

I stood on my heart supports thinkin'
'Oh my God, I'll probably have to carry this whole load.'
I couldn't remember if I tried
I couldn't remember if I took my brain out, threw it so directly at the goal
I couldn't remember if I,
I could have my mind erased
And still not know exactly what I don't already know

June 15, 2016 Wednesday 9:49 PM

I'm gonna start with the shitty news since. Why not? It's actually not that shitty, I'm just disappointed. I got my SAT scores back today and I got a 1390 (730 on the writing/reading part and 660 on math)(it's out of 1600 for those of you who don't know). I was hoping for something higher. My reach schools accept people with an average score of 1450

Sigh. I think I will retake it (this time I'll study more). I'm going to consider it at least. I mean, it's not a terrible score. But there was this school I really wanted to go to and I think you need higher scores to be put in the range. Yeah, I just checked and my current score is on the lower side of average for this school.

11:49 PM

Sorry. I left to practice subject tests and then I watched a 20 minute video of this guy being interviewed about the Orlando shootings. I cried again. Holy shit, that makes me sick. Seriously sick.

I can't imagine losing Liv in one of those things. I think I'd want to die if I had to read a text from her saying "I'm going into shock," Jesus Christ. Her birthday is in like nine minutes.


I'm going to move on now... Nice things. What were the nice things?


Um. Jesus... Okay. It is now 20 minutes later. Said happy birthday to Liv. She's sixteen now y'all.

Okay. But. Um. Today we had the US History finals. That sucked. Three hours, fifty multiple choice, and two essays (one document based essay and another thematic that required remembering shit ya learned over the year). It, yeah. I think my essays turned out... alright? But. I don't know.

When Mr. Washington came 'round to collect my paper, he, y'know. Collected it, and then just!!! Was really nice to me.

He basically said I was a pleasure to have in class, although he wished I had talked more (me, I said, sorrrrryyy) because I have a lot to say and I should. Y'know. Say it.

I was like, "I'm gonna miss your class. It was my favorite," and he made a weird, flattered face where his mouth got all down-turned, eyes tilted like a puppy. Like, I swear they were glittering.

He then asked me what program I was going into and I told him (Me, "Scientific Research & World Health. I like knowing things.")

Mr. Washington said, "Good. It's good that you like knowing things. But please, pLEEEASE don't forget," and he looked at me so earnestly, "you have a gift."

He went on to explain what he meant, which was: my writing. I, according to him, am good at... explaining things. Understanding them and then transferring that understanding.

He really did call it a gift and I was so caught off guard I just said, "..yay," because, like. I don't even know how to. React.

I brought this up to Pat, told her what he said, and she went, "Finally! Someone else recognizes this fact!"

And I was. ??? Whaaaaaat. That's so. Like. Nice to hear. And confusing. Mostly nice.

People are so nice to me. WHy?


FUCK NOW IT'S 1 AM I WAS WATCHING ILLUMINATI VIDEOS. Hah. They're funny. Or boring. Gotta click on the right ones.


I'm going to sl33p so I can see Liv tomorrow (cough, today) for her birthday. Shit, bah. (translation: bye)


Conversations with Alexis are always good. We always get deep about shit. She is a special person. She reminds me of someone else I used to know, which makes me worry that she's gonna die or something. 'cause Alexis has something about her that makes me think she can really change the world, and those are the kinds of people who always seem to die.

Confirmation bias?... Maybe. Damn, I hope I have some questions.

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