Nadia

wet blanket
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2016-06-15 08:13:10 (UTC)

I am happy. But paranoia sometimes just gets..

I am happy. But paranoia sometimes just gets to me and eats at me and I can't sleep. I never want us to lie about anything and I always want us to be open and honest. But I freak out what if everything becomes distorted again and lies build between us and I can't sleep because of it. I hope it never gets like that. I can't help but be pessimistic.
The other night I couldn't stop thinking about Jade. I don't know why she suddenly came into my head. Actually I realise why now. I was reading a magazine and it was all about best friends. Brad is my best friend of course but. When you have a best friend of the same gender it's a completely different connection. It was all about how well you know each other and just all this girly stuff. I've never really been one to make girl friends but Jade. oh Jade. God it fucking kills me to think about. We always had each other. She lied to me the whole time. She gave it up for him. I just don't get it. Was I never anything to her? If I meant anything to her she would have had the decency to tell me. God fucking damn it almost everyone is just a piece of shit. Fuck you Jade. You're a horrible fucking person to do that to me. I didn't deserve that. You shouldn't have gone and built years of friendship with me just to put all this on me. I'm still so far from accepting this and being okay with it.
All the time we spent together. We were attached at the hip we did fucking everything together. It makes me so sad to have lost that. Fuck this fuck people most of them just fucking suck and set you up for disappointed and sadness. How could she do that to me.
I wonder if she ever thinks about me.


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