Nadia's Mundane Existence
2016-05-27 23:46:17 (UTC)

New Beginnings

Upon graduating from the University of Notre Dame with a masters degree, I have finally closed the college chapter in my life. I felt it to be a challenging and often lonely 6 years. Despite that, I am very proud to have finished what I never thought I could do. I am even more excited to start life anew, without the stresses and demands of college. College for me would have been more fun if I had never tasted the outside world first. If I had gone in at 18 and graduated with my bachelors at 22, I would have had more in common with the majority of my classmates. Instead I went in at 24 and graduated with my bachelors at 28, and did an accelerated masters to graduate at 29. Regardless, I still made many precious memories and friendships. Seeing as I had a very restricted high school experience and joined the navy right after, my college experience was just me reliving high school again with a slightly older and wiser world view. I still made many rookie mistakes, including dating a guy 7 years younger than me for 2 years and actually dreaming of a future with him, but I came out older and wiser yet again (and have got these mistakes out of my system).

I will be 30 in a little over 4 months. I will start working as an engineer in less than 2 weeks. I am single and still young, but old enough that I am not interested anymore where a relationship could go. Either he is marriage material or not. Basically it is better for me to remain single rather than waste my time with someone who does not meet all my criteria, because while I am wasting my time with said person, I am passing up on better opportunities. Feeling lonely sucks but it is a lesser pain than someone all of sudden falling out of love with you for some flaw you have, when they never deserved you in the first place. Giving yourself away for cheap love is only a sin against yourself, and the main perpetrator was not the loser who dumped you but you for not loving yourself enough to know you deserved better.

So now that I know the real source of the pain, I have forgiven myself and have decided that I would repay myself the debt I owe me and would upgrade every aspect of my life. I know that I will be successful and I know that success doesn't just mean material wealth or power or social status. I want the personal satisfaction of following God and living a wholesome life, to find my life by losing it. The kind of life that, when death comes knocking at your door, you just smile and say I'm ready to go home. I can't do it alone though. I need my moral compass and guide, the Bible. I need reassurance from God through prayer. With Christ, I am never really alone. That right there, reassures me that though my life be hard and I weak at times, I will not lose as my God will never forsake me.