wet blanket
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2016-05-16 11:47:56 (UTC)

"some people never get their shit..

"some people never get their shit together" I feel like that's me. I'm never organised with anything. I've previously said that you can't change people genuine ways or you are never an exception to them. Even to myself it applies, I can't change myself. No matter how many times I try to get things done straight away or manage my time wisely or create some kind or routine I have never committed to it succesfully. I absolutely disgust myself. So many other people do so much and are capable of so much. I'm so worthless. I don't understand why Brad loves me. It's like we're the exact same but.. we're not. Brad is organised, neat, smart, commits easily and is a great person to be around. To describe myself in one word? Messy. In any sense. My room is messy, my mind if often messy, my life is messy. God is so frustrating but I just let myself sink deeper and deeper into this unforgiving mess.

On another note. When I'm with Brad or just when I look at Brad I can like.. this is weird but it's like I can imagine living with him or just. Ugh i don't know. I can imagine us buying puppies and kittens together, going grocery shopping, being together every night, reading books in bed together ( or playing Agar or Slither) , going on walks together, working on a house together, planning interior designs together, , going furniture shopping. it's so lame aha. It's been two months but I don't know I've never really felt like that with someone and I just know he's so special and we work out because I really love him.

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