The Rat

2016-05-11 15:26:37 (UTC)

Just a small update

Life has taken a stagnant standstill. I feel like nothing has happened even though I know plenty has since I last wrote any sort of journal.

I've pretty much spent the last few months going from work to home. My life is just staring at online links and watching videos and feeling very primal.

I work to make money so when I get home I can eat, then I lay in bed and rest, repeat.

Weekends come and I drink, as usual. I haven't been like I was almost a year ago. I've been too fatigued to even be self destructive, which is bitter sweet I guess.

I've pretty much completely given up on ever having any sort of relationship any time soon. A girl stopped talking to me out of nowhere for seemingly no reason and I've sort of washed my hands of it all. It hurt my feelings, I don't know if I'd be able to handle an actual serious relationship with someone who was more than just a little crush, just for it to end again.

I'm moving 2 hours away. It's mostly to get away from my "friends" or former friends that live around here. To get rid of driving past some store and remembering 100 stories and memories of that store.

My only fear is what being alone 2 states away with Jill will be like, considering she still can be a jerk who snaps at me for no reason sometimes.

I feel in semi-control for now. As long as I don't binge drink any time soon I'm sure things will be ok. I'm cycling into the calm portion of my mood disorder.

As long as I don't kill myself when I cycle back into instability, I'm sure my life will end up alright.