Snuffy

Danielito
2016-05-06 16:39:41 (UTC)

Surprisingly at peace

I feel surprisingly good today - at peace.
Colleen and I texted a little bit yesterday, she was slow to respond but she did, and she was as sweet as ever. But then she got real with me and said that she didn't want to ignore my texts, but that she really does need her space to figure out what she wants. She doesn't want to never talk again but she requested we dial back the daily texting. I thanked her for communicating that to me and that I would oblige.
She thanked me and said she really hopes I feel better soon. She wasn't referring to my cold; she was referring to my heart.

But what that conversation confirms to me is that she really doesn't want to close the door on me. If she was full of crap and was too nice to give it to me straight she would have just stopped texting back. But instead she made the effort to communicate how she needs things to be between us right now and I feel good about that. So now I can back off with less anxiety and uncertainty.
I still think working on moving on is important for me. I would be doing myself a disservice by putting all my eggs in this basket. At the same time, I don't really feel ready to be interested in anyone else. That's conflicting. So I guess I just need time to pass. I also keep reminding myself to have faith that God will take care of my needs and wants because I've asked Him for them.

Speaking of prayer. I only pray when I'm desperate. I've been told that that's not the way to do it. If that's true, I then need to work on praying regularly and giving thanks and continually seeking His Spirit and guidance, not just when I'm in distress, crying, and pouring my heart out.

I still feel like Eric's treatment has helped me. I feel overall more relaxed, more calm. I'm still very analytical and I still feel things but they are much more subdued. I wish I wasn't dealing with this cough from hell, then I could really gauge how vibrant I feel overall.

There's a song I want to write about being in an unbalanced relationship. I have loads of lyrical ideas for it, but I don't have any musical ideas and I love the topic so much that I want to do it justice. I want the song to be amazing. So I am hesitant to start it coz I'm afraid it will suck and I will have wasted the opportunity. I realize how that sounds. But I need a good musical concept first. And it has to fit the seriousness of the topic. There's a lot to consider.




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