always wth love
False Hope. Habits
I ate bad again it began again on Friday at noon then continued over this weekend. I felt so hurt and ashamed what i was putting in my body. i ate two slices of pepperoni pizza. I was very hungry but that not a good enough excuse it felt ive failed myself. at 6pm id leftover chilli but when id gone to bible study i didnt feel too bad, i ate heathy once more so i did alright? id two thou so it felt great, to ease my guilt. My girl noami she had gone to my high school for a year, she asked if James my bf and honestly felt so surprised cause no one had that known me asked that before....I just no, not yet? i felt bad id to say that, but i didnt wanna lie to her either, so yeah we sit together all time. He likes to sit real close to me but i dont mind it. Much later i felt so high like i could breathe again, it was like an adrenaline rush! like i was some type of drug in my system. However on saturday it had only lasted bout 2hrs (that morning) than id crashed! fuckin' hard once again, it was in the blackout.
I talk to damn much, i felt so embarrassed that he told bout, yet again hes still shy. FUCK! can someone tell me to Shut up!, so i wont rude this relationship that we are building. Oh yeah theres other crap that i told him that felt ashamed of, i cant event tell him anymore i felt so damn dirty :( I just cant help i feel save wth him so much these pasted seven months. He remembered my new favorite color yellow, his blue.
I woke up at 2:12am this morning mad! im so exhausted also woke late again didnt into any trouble in that moment. fort-five minutes that changed completely , i got another lecture bout same old damn thing! like wtf! not again, why again... deja vu once more, youre timing is so not good RIGHT NOW!( I've a exam today in math at 11a, you affect me each time before i leave the house) dont you see im tired of this!, but no not all. She blames me every time. Wow two days away thanks. Ate again bad some more this morning, good news got forty dollars! now i gotta choice what want or what i damn desire? fuck!
I feel like false hope everyday now days ive crashed so much, i just wanna gf so much right to ease my anxious mind. cant stay it anymore, Ive been horny for several weeks, and want to completely trashed by every nightfall comes to still stable again in my life. Im ashamed of who i am.
Elijah Melo - Habits (ft. Jhené Aiko)