✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2016-04-16 03:14:36 (UTC)

Stay With Me - Part 3 - Unofficial Business


Dear Reader,

He friended the facebook account that I no longer use, and I decided to let him friend me on the account that I do use. I kept it strict to friends I talked to regularly. And, honestly, I don’t know why I hadn’t already friended him.
But, that’s what happened.

And, we started to talk.

It was playful, and witty banter at first.
And, we just started opening up to each other.
Now, I had a habit of calling my friends “babe” and “baby”
Or “Sweetie” or “Sweetheart.”
I did that with Alex while we talked.

And one night, he asked me out randomly.

I tried to explain that I didn’t want a relationship at that time, but I did a terrible job. I explained the situation with John.
He sent me voice recordings asking me to be his girlfriend, and I still declined.

It wasn’t until that point,
that I considered him as something more than a friend.


I didn’t know how to explain it at the time,
but in order for me to be in a functioning relationship with someone,
I have to take baby steps.
Asking me straight out if I wanted to date, when I hadn’t thought of him that way previously, wasn’t a step I was ready to take.

But, we continued to talk.
And slowly, but surely...
I started to like him.
It was really close to the end of the school year.

We flirted somewhat in person to each other.

And eventually we started sexting.


As well as pansexual, I also identify as demisexual.
Which means that I can’t have sex with people that I don’t have a strong emotional connection with beforehand. I can sext with less of an emotional bond, but that’s as casual as my sexuality allows me to get.
Skyping is a different story.

I have to have a solid foundation with a person in order to do things on camera.

Which we did, have a strong friendship before.


Summer happened.

The moment I got up, I turned on my laptop or DS,
And we started talking throughout the day and into the night.

We took things slow for the most part....

I didn’t have the fear that I have now.

If something happened, it would be me breaking it off.
I had done it with every single relationship-type thing I had.
Up until that point everything I had was unofficial,
And I didn’t really “dump” the person..
I just ghosted away.

In my head, the ending between me and Alex,
Would be done by me.

But, I’ll admit it.
I didn’t want it to end.

I was definitely nervous...
And growing close to him was newish to me.
He was the second person in my life to have done it.

But, I wasn’t afraid like I am now.

Sincerely,
Me




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