Just keep moving forward
Trying to learn from my past
As with most of us, we are quick to display discomfort. We often only find the time to reflect on our decisions when we are caught in a bad spot. I am certainly guilty of it and once again, continue the pattern.
What I do see as improvement, is my form of handling heartache or stress. . I can see that I rationalize my emotions a bit more maturely. now, how can I implement what I have learned from my past? and can I truly apply it to what is currently being felt?!
I have a sense of restlessness between us.. often we are so close and there is no doubt in my mind that we are met for one another. Then in moments such as this.. I feel as you dont look at me the same.. as If i am just a brief conversation that serves as an agreement to stay together. I know I have insecurities and feel like I am not good enough for you. That you're meant for better.. But I cant neglect that I have the best intentions and that my love for you is pure.
So why am I feeling abandonment? Why am I so nervous to ask you if things are okay? I've stepped out of my bubble since day 1 to establish open communication on my behalf. I have nothing to hide, which has never happened in my past. There have been times in our past, where we have agreed that you tend to close off when you feel down. When your past just makes your present much more difficult. Even still.. we always get through things once we talk about it..
this time feels different.. or does it?! I know that my loneliness also stems from my work. So how do apply my patience learned, onto this? if i wait, will that cause more distance? is this nothing but a personal insecurity that can only be fixed if i look inward?!
What can I learn from this, and how can I fit the role that is needed to get through this? I miss our connection.