LustingforNightmares

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2016-04-06 21:25:27 (UTC)

I Might Vomit (not really) And That Has Nothing To Do With The Rest Of This Entry


April 6, 2016 Wednesday 9:25 PM


I'm a lil overwhelmed right now.

This week has been really good, by the way. Only a couple bad moments. One being yesterday during art, and I can't even call it bad. I just felt a lil guilty.

Yesterday, there were at least seven fights at my school. AT LEAST seven. Some have claimed the count to be eleven, and Meekah even said thirteen, but I'd trust eleven more than that.

Anyway, there were a shitload of fights – I have no idea why. I don't think they were related. But they had to be in some way, right....? What are the chances that that happens all on one day??!?!?!?!? What?!

I felt bad because I would've watched those fights if given the chance. I would've taken great joy in watching people beat the shit out of each other. Liv was totally horrified at this, but I think she's self-righteous sometimes. Doesn't change the fact that watching violence is probably not a great thing...

I think I'm angry.

....

Peer leadership was weird.

Sessioned with Adrian. And he got really angry.

And then he had a demo, and got angry in front of all of us. Which was interesting to see. I suspected that there was anger inside Adrian, but I'd never seen it.

(Side note: I re-discovered the fact that no one really gives a shit? And then I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm only saying 'no one' to seem profound or something. Maybe 'no one' is a reference to myself" Maybe I don't give a shit about anyone except for myself)

Partway through the demo, something straaaange happened.

Malcolm was being Malcolm and put a hand on my knee (I don't like that he touches me but sometimes I feel guilty pushing him away and sometimes I just don't have the energy. Don't get me wrong, I tell him to move and stuff, just... yeah). I didn't even think Adrian could see, since he was standing at a weird angle.

but then he just turned to Malcolm suddenly, got really quiet with this deranged look in his eyes (they're a light green so it kind of made him look even crazier – pale eyes do that).

He goes, "Why'd you have to do that?"

Malcolm retracted his hand. Funny, didn't I have a dream like this...? Sort of?... Anyway.

"Why'd you have to do that?"

"Do what–"

"Put your hand... on her knee. Why'd you have to do that?"

Malcolm stared, Adrian stared, but you could tell that Adrian was the one in charge. He was so... tense. I was sitting on the ground, Adrian standing above me and Malcolm sitting in a chair right next to me.

Malcolm said, "I did it because I knew it'd get you riled up."

Everyone was confused. Except for a select few, probably, and Adrian's girlfriend was laughing with this other girl which reminded me AGAIN on that dream I had on Sunday – with the girls laughing and never telling me WHY.

Adrian said, "You had to. You just had to. And after that thing with the rape–" (he may have said rape joke?.... but I am not sure. I know someone somewhere once told me about people making a rape joke and those people may have included Malcolm... but it also could've included a lot of other people so eh)

he stopped here and shook himself and the moment was over. He laughed it off and focused back in on that terrible anger. Threw himself on the ground.

I was... not scared. I don't know. I was something, though. Confused, definitely.

Ugh.

I have a terrible headache.

Peer was pretty good, though. I talked with this one girl – she's blonde and on the track team with me – and it turns out she writes! Which made me soooooo happy ahhhhhhhhhh

And also this other girl – She looks like Liv but is not Liv. Obviously.

She said I looked like the type of person to eat pancakes on a grassy hill during the sunrise... or sunset, idk. My shoes reminded her of Arizona Tea (ginseng) and my hair made her nostalgic and something about me reminded her of a movie she once saw.
Plus she said I reminded her of the mask in Phantom of the Opera!!! !!! Which was so cool.

I was confused but pleased. She'd been staring at me on and off during the whole meeting. Afterwards, she said, "If someone's staring at you, never think that it's a bad thing."

Right before I left, we started talking about time. She's very smart.

Music was there, too. I think he loves me less because I haven't done what he asked me to yet.

But before he left, he was all, "I'm gonna be your husband one day, Veronica."

I laughed and said okay. He said it was a goal of his.

Earlier, Adrian and his girlfriend had been arguing. His girlfriend was saying Music loved this one girl whose name started with a B. Adrian argued against it, and I had a feeling that his counterargument was that Music loved me.

------

I AM VERY,V ERY CONFUSED.

GOOD NIGHT.

I AM DYING.

GOOD FUCKING NIGHT.

-------

PS:

Liv goes, "Oh so it turns out Birdy is sort of an asshole I guess."

Me: *fist pumps* "YES! YES!" Let us celebrate! He isn't perfect! Which I knew, but it's still nice to hear.

Liv said that he's a bit cocky about how intelligent he is. And he gives backhanded compliments at times, i dunno.

Whatever.

She also got his number.

She'll probably update me more at a later date.

And see, this is what I mean when I say he's everywhere. I don't ask for these interactions but it seems like everyone knows him and brings him up at some point?!!??! Frequently?!??!

Okay.

I wonder if I'm like that with anyone. Ever.

---

PPS:

Someone commented this on that short story I wrote a couple weeks ago.

"I thought you did a wonderful job of portraying the shock and disbelief of death. You are a very good writer and I can't wait to see what you do in the future!"

!!! Yay! I like when people are good.


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