šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-04-05 07:47:04 (UTC)

Second Entry 5-4-16.(Tuesday).

Needing to write another entry because I don't want my head to start skewing any more than it is.

For starters this is the list of things that are affecting my thinking :

*Scam diaries.
Please I'm not being paranoid I connected with one off this website. I think I am following a few more mostly new and one who has obviously changed from private to public but I'm not strongly sure about that one...there's a big possibility that it could be genuine.
The effects scamming has on the soul is horrible. Really horrible. Parasites. Scamming is just going to get worse. Sociopathic criminals. What gets me though is one has a lot of followers. Maybe they follow each other. I wish there was a way of knowing who one's followers are.

(The majority of diarists I am following are genuine and you all know who you are. I have a great deal of time and put effort into following your lives.)

*Unclear communication about future poetry evenings. I would prefer them to be once a month. There was no text tonight so I didn't text about it. Will just leave it for the moment until I can deal with it better.

*Washing machine I can't use. Increases my workload and not so sure that there is an economical use of water in handwashing plus my overworked muscles in my hands are going to play up again.

*Neighbour coming over to ask for cigarettes. I did tell him that I had none this time and I did acquire some later on that evening for myself but I wasn't giving neighbour any.

*Hardly ever seeing the male friend which isn't all bad. It's less stress and toxicity for me. His anorexia is getting worse and it's scary to see. His deteriorative thinking is rapidly surpassing reason of even the simplest forms. I have to stick with him I know.
Sunday night he was a lot better. Anorexic thinking is exactly like dealing with steel and iron cast beliefs. They're inflexible and immovable. Sometimes I see God softening his thinking and his belief systems start to heal and soar. Haven't seen it that much now that I have moved back. My male friend appears to be regressing somewhat...that's the worry. I'm not going to let him blame me for that either. He has a verifiable need to blame others and focus on other people's severe shortcomings, instead of his own. I won't let him do this to me anymore and now I see him less and less...

*My daughter has been "out of range" via communication with me, ever since I have been living back here. I'm going to make a goal of texting her every few days, maybe twice per week. If she tells me to stop then I will. That will be sad though what is even sadder is that we are not communicating to begin with.
I want a better renewed relationship with my daughter and her husband but it's just not happening. Not at all..zilch...nothing...not a thing. This is sad.

Maybe I am only meant to focus on my grandchildren for this season of time.
Talking of grandchildren I better text them goodnight very soon.

The vegetarian lentil stew is divine. I made a huge pot but it will be gone in two days. Put brown rice in as well as agria potatoes to bulk it out as I only had half a packet of green lentils. I want to buy brown lentils as well as green next time because that's what I usually use. Had it hot with buttered hot wholemeal toast and sweet tea.

Phone battery nearly on empty...time to stop, but not before I say that I am glad, surprised, humbled and amazed that the insomnia has finally broken.





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